Understanding China, One Blog at a Time

An American in China

Chinese Eat Fat

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 16, 2010


This may sound odd at first but let me explain. I am not saying that Chinese people are fat, for as we all know, they most definitely are not, and as Ellen Degeneris said, “They have the body fat of a Whippet.” But let me continue…
What I mean to say is that Chinese, as a whole and without exception eat as if they were chunky, or to put it in a mean spirited way, they eat as if they were fat. Now you may ask why I am being so bold so as to make this assertion, please let me explain.
I like fat people and have developed a bit of extra beef which I proudly display just above my belt line. But inside I am skinny and have never developed that all encompassing need to eat. With the exception of chocolate, to me eating is a chore or a habit, and oftentimes I forget if I’d eaten at all. This is what you would call the heart of a skinny person, and no I dont like to eat with the either, they have no passion nor zest for the act of stuffing food into their maws.
But in China, although they be a skinny race, they eat like the most rotund , jolly faced chubby person you have ever seen. And actually , like addicts the world over, the process of them eating begins before the first bite. You can see them snatch up the menu as Pavolovian proof’sh saliva coats their lips and they plan on ordering the Chinese delicacies that they will soon be swishing about in their mouths. Their eyes scan the menu with sniper like precision as they pick and choose the exact combianation of sweet and sour, salt and garlic so as to force their mouths into an oral orgasm with the succulent dishes that China has to offer. To them, this is their foreplay, its the subtle flirtations with the dishes exposed on the menu, the leering glances that linger a bit too long on the Kung Pao Chicken as they decide whether tonight will be the night that they invite it to their plates.
The waitresses too are part of this mental orgy as they prod, wait, patiently indulging the patrons on their mental journey into the world of gastronomy.
Finally, the Chinese will place their order with that smug look of contentment , with the full knowledge that they are about to begin a delightful sojourn into the world of culinary richness.
As for me, I’m happy with rice and gravy, and yeah, I hate eating with guys like me too, I’ve said it before.

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