Understanding China, One Blog at a Time

An American in China

Scared as Hell and Stuck in Chinese Elevators- Crappy Chinese Construction

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 28, 2010

I must be jinxed, the gods of Chinese revenge are onto me and my evil blog, it must be something like that, or some fked up kismet. I ‘ve been in China over almost 3 years and we have somewhat of a truce, China doesn’t mess with me too much and I respect her and her laws. But lately all of that seems to have changed, that evil vixen scamp of Chinese fate has decided to screw with me and I am about to declare w.a.r!

Yeah, you can guess what happened, no its not the fact that another Chinese company has lied to me about wages and underpaid me, I’ll blog that later, but China has been try to screw with my sense of tranquility….in the last two days, I have been stuck in a freaking Chinese elevator, talk about freaking scary!

The first time was in my building and I was on the elevator with an old biddie, and a young tart. I’m not too high up, so usually its a quick trip. I had to take a leak something fierce so was in a hurry. The old biddie is jamming buttons with her gnarled fingers and causing me to get miffed as I had to go badly. So the elevator takes off, and my building is only four years old, but four building years in China is like dog years. In other words one year for a building in this place is more like ten in any civilized country. So the state of my place is like something built in the 60s or 70’s, walls cracked, water leaking etc. Anyway, the biddie stops beating on the wall, and the old rickety Chinese elevator wheezes and starts up, then the dam thing stops, I shit myself thinking wtf.. The biddie is a little frazzled, and the tart is calm. The elevator then starts to descend, but does not stop on any floor, its kind of suspended and just bobbing.
I almost had a cardiac arrest, I was like wtf, I am going to die in an elevator in chicom country?
Then the thing teeters to floor two and I am ready to bolt, and then it didnt stop at floor two, but shot up to 5 and then 6 and 7 then popped back to four, paused and shot back up without stopping, none of the buttons were working.. I was ready to beat on the doors out of fear, the old lady was almost in tears and the tart nonplussed. So then all of the sudden, like something out of Six Flags, the thing descends like an SOB, I was glued to the wall. It jolts to a stop between the 3rd and 4th floor. The biddie is looking at me like she expects me to step up and take action, Im thinking, hey its your country.

So I see the alarm, and I’m motioning and saying to call the authorities, but both chicks are mesmerized by it as if afraid. Then I basically pound on the thing, ready to urinate in my pants or pummel the ignoramuses in the elevator car. Some Chinese guy answers and the ladies are mum, I start squawking in pidgin Chinese and the guy hangs up on me.If I were Japanese, I would have committed hari Kari. Then the young one, touches the button and talks to the dude, and we all wait. I’m sweating like a beast and glowering at the two of them…after a little bit, some dude the size of a kewpie doll shows up, screams down the shaft and the elevator runs back up. I ran from the demon thing….

Then today, I had a similar experience,,,I just got home and the preceding section of the blog has taken all my energy, so maybe I’ll blog it later, or maybe you can just guess just what in the hell its like to get stuck in a freaking Chinese elevator.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: