Understanding China, One Blog at a Time

An American in China

Hypochondriacs Beware- Don’t Google Your Ailments

Posted by w_thames_the_d on January 26, 2011


I now live in fear. No it’s not the fear of being corralled by some freedom oppressors and stuffed into a tiny cement dungeon., at least not at the moment, no, my fear of what my recent back ailment truly is.

The other day while taking a ‘motorcycle rickshaw’ to work, the driver of my chariot had a slight fender bender. My driver attempted to force a car off the road with his front wheel just as I had turned to talk to him and physics being what they are, we lost and my back felt as if it had been twisted like a pretzel. Since then I have had a small pain in my back.

Being  bored,  I decided to Google back pain to see what it is that’s ailing me…. What in the heck is up with all the hypochondriacs trolling the medical help boards with their ill-conceived advice/diagnoses, I wish I had never googled it.

According to Milly Sourbottom, Brockville Mass, I am suffering from nothing more than Sciatica, Kelly Primrose from Eugen Oregon strongly disagrees. In her long winded missive, she stated that in no uncertain terms I am “suffering from ‘Cauda equina’ syndrome”, and you can look it up if you dont believe her, so I did and sure enough there it is.

I’m not convinced that the pain shooting through my lower back is ‘Cauda Equina’ and hope its not. My fear , however, was aptly stated as such by a Rick Sterngoer from Lakeland FL. “Dude it dont matter what fked up your back. You need to go under the knife and get it tooken care of. Count on months in traction followed by painful recovery. But at least you can get some Demerols out of it…”

While appreciating the fact that Mr. Sterngoer pried his gnarled fingers from the sweaty can of Schlitz Malt Liquor long enough to reply, I thanked him profusely for his sage advice. Yet I somehow doubt that watching ever episode of House, since its inception qualifies him to opine as to my malady.  I do however, give him more credit than I give Milley Blingman- city unknown, who chimed in that maybe it was a ‘bot fly’ who’d buried itself under my skin ‘right next to those bony lumps in your back’. While I hope that the larvae of a fly found indigenous to costa rica has not embedded itself into my body, I am keeping all my options open.

I guess the conclusion of this rant is, well there isn’t one, but if forced to make a summary I would say that sometimes access to information can be a bad thing.

Damn I could go for a Chocolate muffin from starbucks and a Dark Cherry Mocha as well.

One Response to “Hypochondriacs Beware- Don’t Google Your Ailments”

  1. k8hinote said

    I just did this the other day and was nearly convinced I needed to see an Infectious Disease doctor immediately. Turned out I just needed some antibiotics. That’s one way the internet is dangerous.

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