Understanding China, One Blog at a Time

An American in China

On – Chinese, Driving, No Self-control, Near Death Experience…

Posted by w_thames_the_d on March 31, 2011


Your humble servant/author/wiseguy almost met his maker today. Why you ask? Because Chinese cannot drive, or let me clarify, it’s not that they can’t drive per se, but possessing the self control of kittens, this place has relegated walking in public to an act meriting hazardous duty pay.

Today as I approached my place of work, I was nearly bowled over by a local who in a fit of glee at spying an empty parking space, had floored the gas on his beat up VW , and aiming its dingy nose at the empty spot, came within inches of taking me out. Bashing his window with my fist, I tried my best to humiliate the monster, who shouted ‘dui bu qi’- excuse me- through scattered teeth the color of a nuclear reactor.

But as he nestled the car snugly in his spot, we both knew how little the incident meant to the man, as at least he’d gotten his parking space. While the rest of the world looks to find a deeper meaning to life and our place in the universe, we can be assured of this one constant…China is a ‘what’s in it for me’ country

2 Responses to “On – Chinese, Driving, No Self-control, Near Death Experience…”

  1. gowron said

    Loved how when I was in Chow Hai, (Shanghai), when ever I’m legally crossing the walks and grungy assholes decide to run me over with their scooters I usually just kick them making them woble off balance, they stop and give me an incredious look I give them the crazy eyes, and they drive off. Like they see me, I’m wearing bright clothing, that even the most retina atrophied idiot can see me in a haze of Bac Jao sqinty eyed cateracts green gooey eyes inso much that they resemble night vision goggles. They see me waving my arms trying to get them to slow down (the little gap between a big ugly bus-van or a truck full of crap), I usually have to peek out like a curious kitten. (somehow there’s bikes there are always scooters, even when there arn’t scooters!). I even clothslined one idiot..Now if I was Jaywalking, their honking is justified. When I’m legally walking, their seizure inducing car honking is not justified. I love when the driver is some PMSing spoiled empress, They scream fuck you. Then I tell them your feet are dirty (again a ephriusm of dirty shoes, or a unclean vagina)… on this note why the hell are Chinese so obsessed with the “Chou Chou”, every vulgar insult has to revolve around smelly feet, shoes, shirts, yet they don’t sterlize the source of these foul ordors. Their enviroment. Their paint reeks like radioactive chemicals, their houses are unclean with cobwebs just about everywhere, their soil resembles a manhattan zoo habitat.

    • wtdevflnt said

      HAHA good one. I didn’t know about the dirty shoes thing. Are you in China now? And I totally agree about the dumb little princess morons who couldn’t see past the dashboard!

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