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An American in China

Archive for June 9th, 2011

Rant on China, Li Na and Chinese Athletics

Posted by w_thames_the_d on June 9, 2011


The gods of athletic fate have pulled many a cruel joke on the people inhabiting the center country or china s I like to call it. In a place sporting over 23% of all the people on the planet, it took them from 4-5 generations of breeding to produce just one basketball player of account, an Olympic hurdler and now a tennis player who doesn’t suck. But times they are a changing, maybe what transpired on june 4, the anniversary of the tian.en.massac.re was a sign of things to come. For on this day tangerine skinned li na dealt a death blow to the collective libido of mankind by defeating that hot Russian and then the one person vaguely resembling a man. Could it be that in a double whammy of good fortune, Li no not only made it possible to say the date June 4 without being sent to the countryside for re-education through labor, but also ushered in the new era of chinese athletics?
Hmm, think of it like this. After a century of breeding like mosquitoes, the NBA discovered a 7’6” oddity of nature who could actually hoop. This man, Yao Ming was soon the love of all china, for frankly he didnt suck, just as the billions before him. Thus, to the Chinese he represented the hope of the next generation. Unfortunately the joke turned out to be a cruel one as all of the little future Chinese disappointments soon found out. Rushing to the playgrounds to become the next yao, tons of Chinese one child policy failures soon found out the harsh realities of physics and the fact that possessing the vertical leap of a bulldog coupled with the body of walking stick meant the lack of requisite upward propulsion required to make one not suck in basketball. After countless hours of practice, lessons and tears, the one child dregs gave up on the NBA and found solace in video games, man purses, Cheesburgers and cigarettes.
But now there is new hope on the horizon in the form of the little sprite called li na. Sure she’s built like a wad of chewing tobacco but she sure can swing those miniature arms and propel herself along reminiscent of Earl campbell. To the Chinese she not only gave reason to reinstate the date of the 4 day of june to the calendar, but also hope in the ability of China to not suck in sports.
Emboldened by li Na’s victory we see a ton of block headed little squatty boddies rushing off to squander 30U$ per hour on lessons promising to turn them into the next big thing. Nudging up their weighty glasses with meaty fat thumbs, they take one last chomp of that big mac and waddle off, legs rubbing together in that swish swish sound, as their coach screams something about discipline being the difference between winning and losing.
Much to the chagrin of their coaches, little xo*(o jsoidsj fof or “Jonny” as he is called by his underpaid English teacher, has no more talent at chasing the yellow ball than a water beetle, but as he needs the cash, johnny’s coach never shares this with Xiao su wang or Lilly, Johnny’s mom. Glancing down at her robust skull covered with one of those hideous lampshade like hats so common here, the coach explains to Lilly that the pride of the clan or Lilly’s son is doing just fine. Sure he has invested months in the training and has yet to master the art of making contact with the ball, but that is just due to a ‘growth spurt’ causing ‘temporary awkwardness’ the coach explains as johnny crimson faced dry heaves at the overexertion caused by seven minutes of calisthenics he was forced to endure. Upon being able to walk, Jonny trundles next to Lilly and she now beams at her fourteen year old son whose head now approaches her navel and yanks him closer, ignorant of the harsh realities of life. Growing up in the seventies she was unburdened by things like education and sports so takes the word of the coach.
Across the field in the choking Beijing smog the scene plays out a myriad of times all with the same conclusions.
In true Chinese fashion it takes them a few billion attempts to manufacture one product that is worth a shit, but we cant tell the lilly’s of the world, for what would they do then?

The gods of athletic fate have pulled many a cruel joke on the people inhabiting the center country or china s I like to call it. In a place sporting over 23% of all the people on the planet, it took them from 4-5 generations of breeding to produce just one basketball player of account, an Olympic hurdler and now a tennis player who doesn’t suck. But times they are a changing, maybe what transpired on june 4, the anniversary of the tian.en.massac.re was a sign of things to come. For on this day tangerine skinned li na dealt a death blow to the collective libido of mankind by defeating that hot Russian and then the one person vaguely resembling a man. Could it be that in a double whammy of good fortune, Li no not only made it possible to say the date June 4 without being sent to the countryside for re-education through labor, but also ushered in the new era of chinese athletics?
Hmm, think of it like this. After a century of breeding like mosquitoes, the NBA discovered a 7’6” oddity of nature who could actually hoop. This man, Yao Ming was soon the love of all china, for frankly he didnt suck, just as the billions before him. Thus, to the Chinese he represented the hope of the next generation. Unfortunately the joke turned out to be a cruel one as all of the little future Chinese disappointments soon found out. Rushing to the playgrounds to become the next yao, tons of Chinese one child policy failures soon found out the harsh realities of physics and the fact that possessing the vertical leap of a bulldog coupled with the body of walking stick meant the lack of requisite upward propulsion required to make one not suck in basketball. After countless hours of practice, lessons and tears, the one child dregs gave up on the NBA and found solace in video games, man purses, Cheesburgers and cigarettes.
But now there is new hope on the horizon in the form of the little sprite called li na. Sure she’s built like a wad of chewing tobacco but she sure can swing those miniature arms and propel herself along reminiscent of Earl campbell. To the Chinese she not only gave reason to reinstate the date of the 4 day of june to the calendar, but also hope in the ability of China to not suck in sports.
Emboldened by li Na’s victory we see a ton of block headed little squatty boddies rushing off to squander 30U$ per hour on lessons promising to turn them into the next big thing. Nudging up their weighty glasses with meaty fat thumbs, they take one last chomp of that big mac and waddle off, legs rubbing together in that swish swish sound, as their coach screams something about discipline being the difference between winning and losing.
Much to the chagrin of their coaches, little xo*(o jsoidsj fof or “Jonny” as he is called by his underpaid English teacher, has no more talent at chasing the yellow ball than a water beetle, but as he needs the cash, johnny’s coach never shares this with Xiao su wang or Lilly, Johnny’s mom. Glancing down at her robust skull covered with one of those hideous lampshade like hats so common here, the coach explains to Lilly that the pride of the clan or Lilly’s son is doing just fine. Sure he has invested months in the training and has yet to master the art of making contact with the ball, but that is just due to a ‘growth spurt’ causing ‘temporary awkwardness’ the coach explains as johnny crimson faced dry heaves at the overexertion caused by seven minutes of calisthenics he was forced to endure. Upon being able to walk, Jonny trundles next to Lilly and she now beams at her fourteen year old son whose head now approaches her navel and yanks him closer, ignorant of the harsh realities of life. Growing up in the seventies she was unburdened by things like education and sports so takes the word of the coach.
Across the field in the choking Beijing smog the scene plays out a myriad of times all with the same conclusions.
In true Chinese fashion it takes them a few billion attempts to manufacture one product that is worth a shit, but we cant tell the lilly’s of the world, for what would they do then?

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TMC=Toxic Chinese Medicine

Posted by w_thames_the_d on June 9, 2011


China news have proven that China does not discriminate. They add carcinogens to food, milk, veggies and now to TMC or traditional Chinese Medicine remedies. According to the blurg below sulfur dioxide, a prohibited preservative is being added to, surprisingly enough, make the local Chinese a few extra pennies. Thus, possessing the morals that they do here, this stuff is wide spread. According to the Chinadaily there are about 200 tons of this toxic medicinal herb floating around. Makes you wonder if TMC stands for Toxic Medicine from China
chinadaily
An estimated 200 tons of herbal chrysanthemums contaminated by a banned toxic chemical has entered the market, cnr.cn reported Thursday….The herbal flower, which is often used by Chinese in tea and medicine, is believed to have been dried with sulfur dioxide, a prohibited preservative that can cause sickness.”

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Silk Market- Beijings Proof of IPR Fraud

Posted by w_thames_the_d on June 9, 2011


Beijing talks about IPR treaties and their attempt to quash intellectual property rights abuses, but this single building shows it to be nothing but a sham. This place is the silk market, one of the biggest single locations for pirated goods in Bejing. The place is loaded with foreigners buying knockoff LV, Rolex etc. As long as this place is standing, Beijing is full of shit about their desire to stop IPR violations. Oh yeah its only about 3 miles from the nation’s capital, and not as if they are hiding…

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Chinese Efficiency in a Photo

Posted by w_thames_the_d on June 9, 2011


I This is soooo Chinese
This is so very Chinese. I visited a friend and saw all of these guys cleaning the stairs and I was like wtf? I may make this my avy…

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How ’bout Some Cancer with Your Dumplings? Dangerous Food in China

Posted by w_thames_the_d on June 9, 2011


Chinese eat some stuff called zongzi, it is a rice dumpling filled with good stuff and wrapped in bamboo or reed leaves. If you were here lately you had some , as it is a traditional food for the dragon boat festival, the reason we missed a day of work this week. Anyway, Chinese being what they are, have began soaking zonghi leaves in copper sulfate or cupric clhoride solutions to keep them looking fresh, according to the Peninsula Metropolis Daily. While it makes the owners of the stores an extra buck, it can cause kidney failure in those of us who consume it. After consuming all of this toxic crap in China, one has to wonder if their body will ever be whole again.

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Shitty Chinese TV, Space Rockets and Pride

Posted by w_thames_the_d on June 9, 2011


Uncle c -communist party, has shut of all the good cable channels leading up to their 90th anniversary. The party is too worried about un ‘red’ thoughts, no kidding. They have been blocking shows that may warp the minds of the people or take away from the glory forthcoming. To me this spells dogcrap TV and boredom.
As we speak I am watching cctv13 or communist propaganda to the 13th power. They are talking about some Chinese rocket that apparently shot a hunk of Chinese junk into space. The junk apparently did lazy circles around the moon and probably rained toxic particles doing irreparable harm, or maybe like the olympics the whole thing is CGI. Anyway, they play this bullshit music trying to make the thing seem epic and the whole time I’m thinking that the rest of the word has been sending orbiters to space for 60 years now, so come on China , its about time you caught up.

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Chinese Safety in a Picture

Posted by w_thames_the_d on June 9, 2011


I for one make it a habit of storing all propane in a toasty warm environment, preferably next to a potential source of flames……..

posted on this site

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Sleeping in the Streets China Style- ‘Chinese Box Head Man’ – China Photo

Posted by w_thames_the_d on June 9, 2011


I saw this the other day as I walked along by Yonganli. My Chinese is improving and I think the sign says “stay the fk away from me, I got nothing to lose, I sleep with my head in a frigging box!”

also posted here



Don’t mess with me, I sleep with my head in a box

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Poison Pork in Shanghai China- Chinese Toxic Food

Posted by w_thames_the_d on June 9, 2011


In China they had a problem with poisoned pork, or so the Chinese news sources said. The issue was that pork producers were using clenbuteral to make Miss Piggy more trim and lean. The problem is that clenbuteral can cause heart issues, valve related, I believe. So in Shanghai some lazy officials had nothing better to do and they went around checking the pork and low and behold only 1% of the pork still had clenbuteral, for China this is good. The bad news is that another 5% had two other drugs who are just as harmful as clenbuteral, ie Salbutamol and ractopamine. The bottom line is that Chinese are like hackers, no matter what controls you put in place, they will find a work around.

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Pink Sneakers and Hearts, Playing Pool in China- Reblog from Serenityinchina

Posted by w_thames_the_d on June 9, 2011


Go here to read the story, this is great and oooo so Chinese. The men … here find some very interesting ways to express their ‘masculinity’ this is a story of one of them.

Chinese Pool Hall – Pink Shoes and a Heart-Shaped Stool

May 24, 2011 by kimchiicecream

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2011 Chinese Pool Hall 3 Pink Shoes and Heart-Shaped Stool, originally uploaded by Serenity in China.

read the rest here
http://serenityinchina.wordpress.com/2011/05/24/chinese-pool-hall-pink-shoes-and-a-heart-shaped-stool/

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