Doing Business in China- What Your MBA Won’t Teach You

I studied quite a bit, or I went to many schools and drew pictures while the profs talked, but one thing I learned was that they cannot always tell us the whole truth. An example would be doing business in China. Sure they will tell you that contacts are key and take a name card with both hands, but that is only the tip of the ice berg. In order to succeed in China there is oh so much more. So I have devised a list of some of the best practices of foreigners who have had success in China.
1-always grasp the bribe you receive with both hands, anything less is poor decorum
2- Don’t worry that you are obese and sweaty, the KTV chicks will flock to you, after all, they are hookers. To decline a KTV invite deprives your Chinese host of coping a feel or getting a n.t
3-China does own taiwan and Tibet was peacefully emancipated from itself under the guidance of Mao
4-No china is not really communist, and those guys rotting in jail for democracy were the real problem
5-that lawyer you just spoke to knows less about the law than you do, consult a wiki instead
6-chinese women office workers expect you to ogle and touch them, its what they are paid for
7-sure they can do it more cheaply, after all, they have 1.34 billion people to enslave and work 28 days per month for 12 hours per day
8-yes he dies his hair, just like all the other members of the communust party
9-yes she is ugly just like all the other members of the communist party
10-scream, stomp and berate all of the coolies you see on the shop floor, anything else leads them to believe you condone their slack behavior
11-when your pint-sized host take you to a massage or ktv, and he will, the term single shot means you only ‘get off’ once then the lady leaves…..
In China always expect the unexpected and no, that guy who owns that huge Chinese business never attended uni…
And yes this Chines guy digging in his nose used to  be the leader of communist China

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