Understanding China, One Blog at a Time

An American in China

Fear of Flying in China

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 18, 2011


The last time I took a flight in China I was surprised. Inside the hulking fuselage all feet were happily clad with shoes, boots or sandals, at a minimum.
What’s this angry Bill, I said to myself? Then in a dream-like state I wandered up to the gap jawed flight attendant whose smattering of teeth ambled about her face in no discernible pattern nor form.
“‘Hello “, i said into one of her monstrous ears, which had her head not been lopsided would most certainly caused her head to list, albeit it gently to the side.
“‘djogajdjadlfjlsdafjlasdfjsadf “” , yon stewardess barked
‘äh yes I am still in China.’ Thank you.
I then made my way down the aisle which was pleasantly dev oid of canary yellow nails attached to monstrous feet attached to short legs attached to Chinese. Gone too was the din of ignorance they call conversation as well as the deep guttural phlegm infused hacking of phlegm that I’d grown accustomed to.
Thinking it merely an anomaly and waiting for your typical Chinese people to eventually swarm into the lives of those currently housed in the depths of the flying machine, I could only wait.
miraculously the cabin doors closed and nary a doddering gaggle of old fools with matching oversized skull caps trying hard to be baseball hats were to be seen. I wondered what had happened, had Chinese suddenly acquired some couth or maturity?
And then it hit me. I listened to my fellow travelers and alas the majority of them were foreign. By not flying Air China for once, I was given a reprieve by the ‘govnuh’of sorts. There were Malaysians, Singaporeans and some Hong Kong ese thrown in for good measure, but thankfully enough, the Han-folk were outnumbered.
The result was a beautiful journey were your current author need not worry about the bullet headed 40 something taking a shit without closing the door thus providing moments of diversion for those who dared to look.
Today I learned another of my ABC’s. When flying do the smart thing fly
Anything But air China- the airline of choice of deviants, despots, and chcioms alike.

4 Responses to “Fear of Flying in China”

  1. gowron said

    Take offs just don’t seem right in China. For some odd reason. The plane feels very very unstable, and I keep on getting images of ending up in a great big inferno.

  2. MyLaowai said

    http://mylaowai.com/2009/11/16/dear-china-eastern-airlines/

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