Understanding China, One Blog at a Time

An American in China

Archive for August 23rd, 2011

Shits from Sickly Snails in China- Can China Get Food Right?

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 23, 2011

Chinese must have the gastronomic constitution of a komodo dragon. They dump their sickly chopsticks which have not had the pleasure of a light rinse as they are passed from patron to patron- after all , China needs to conserve H20. The locals, however do not seem to mind such annoyances indeed it even seems as if swapping a bit of mouth mucous builds unity, why else would they cram their chopsticks Linda Lovelace’esque into their stagnant maws before then reaching into the communal pit to grab the last juicy piece of pork?
So it is miraculous, as least to your humble author, that this place has not succumbed to the bubonic plague or worse. With hygiene that would have been state of the art at a period of time where one ran in hiding from Mastadons and having a the great great great x10 grand father of the pigeon shit on ones head could be disastrous as pterodactyls were a monstrous sort. So had Charlie Chinaman been around then, and I am sure they claim to have, then they may have been thought leaders. Today they are merely Chinese.
Thus, when I read that snails in Shanghai are polluted, my first reaction was ‘so what?’. It would be more surprising to hear that they were actually from the sea and contained nutrients. But one must admit that had this happened in any other country the masses would have been keeling over dead and flooding the hospitals, but not here. These people, alligator-like can eat everything from chicken claws to mail boxes and come out smiling.
Story of toxic Chinese food here.

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Chongqing China Kitty

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 23, 2011

Photo of a cat in Chongqing China

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Taking Life in China? China Investments

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 23, 2011

China now has insurance companies. I don’t know how you can insure against stupidty, but apparently they are. One of the biggest insurance companies is called Taikang life.
Is it just me or does anyone else find it hilarious that phonetically speaking the name of a Chinese insurer is
only in freaking China…

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India Tells China “Move Over Pussy Wussy”!- U$100 Tablet

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 23, 2011

China is all about making stuff. The stuff they make lacks necessary elements like standards and quality, but it makes up for this defect in price. For the little energy they actually put into making this crap, they ought to give it away. But giving something away is not in the Chinese vocabulary, but putting an elevated unbelievable price tag is. Take for instance, hotels in Beijing. A good five star stay here costs more than an equivalent night in San Francisco WTF?
How does one justify spending 300U$ in a flop house of a hotel that sports air that cannot be breathed, dirty sheets and cold water? Ah but I guess in SF they don’t have hookers calling you up at all hours of the night for a little ‘massage’- WalMart purchasing agents I understand you now.
Aside from hotels and tofu apartments or future disasters, China overcharges for all they can put their sticky mitts upon. They overcharge for non-existent service, fake meat, fake stores, fake books by steve Jobs (TW I believe) and much more.
But now it would appear as if India is taking a stand and waving the sacred musket of victory. India is working on a U$100 tablet. What is cool about it is that
1- its not made in China
2- its cheap
3- it probably works
My question is that if India can do it, or even produce one for U$200, then why can’t China do the same? I reviewed the Eben Eren which is ok, but the thing costs 25% of the cheapest car India makes (US$ 800) is too much to swallow. Considering that China has more people than India and should have a labor cost advantage, wtf do they not make cheaper goods?
I think one day we will see, just as we did with the former USSR, that this place is all smoke and mirrors and that these ‘real costs’ were nothing more than lies typical of this place and we’ll find we’ve been overpaying by a factor of 20 for all of the products we purchase from here…

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Chinese Street Sweeper Innovation

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 23, 2011

This people are the heart and soul of China which is probably why so many locals hate them. To the local Chinese these people are a reminder of all of China ten years ago and 72% of China today. To the locals its an eyesore and an embarrassment as to their true roots.

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China’s Not So High Speed Rail Becomes Even More Not So High Speed

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 23, 2011

China ‘made’ the ” super incredible pride of China go fast high speed train with Chinese characteristics!!!”
This marvel of Chinese/Japanese/German tech was to signal the rise of China, to showcase what she had become. Ignorant louts from places as far away as Vietnam, Brazil, San Francisco and even Europe marveled at her manufacturing prowess and soon it became obvious that it was to be a Chinese millennium. Justifiably the trains were known as ‘High speed rail’- the pride of China.

As they rolled off the assembly lines hordes of chinese banged their infinitesimally little hands in what they considered to be applause as they marveled at the shiny ‘go fast’ tubes. ‘the century is ours’ they mused in between mouthfuls of stinky tofu and rotten animal krokus.

While attempting to act with humility they allowed their neighbors across the water to know that the dreaded Nipponese no longer were the masters of the tech universe, but a new dragon was in town. They even tested this modern marvel and clocked it at world record speed, ‘all hail the new china’!

And then they found out that some fat old guy who was in charge of China’s rebirth had done a naughty thing and had liberated some of the excess red mao notes from the coffers of the firm, all in the name of assisting China, I am told. Yeah he figured that neither 20 nor 50 nor 100 million would suffice but went for about 300 – allegedly.

Then the Chinese got a bit worried. They said to themselves “hey chinese stuff usually sucks cuz we have no skill. if we cant’ steal the tech directly from civilized countries, we’ll surely fuk it up. ”

and the other chinese guys said “uh we all know that but what does it have to do with a guy stealing 40% of a billion dollars or more?” and the other guy who stands no taller than a turnstile lights a cancer stick with extra cancer and shrugs his coin-wide shoulders. ” i dont know.”

Then agreeing that Chinese goods suck irrespective of who is managing them. That decided they checked their hidden accounts overseas and then flush with the pride that only men who receive illicit funds can muster they went out bought some new chinese second wives and purses for them to dangle from their bony wrists as well as those obnoxious eyelashes that make it appear as if a pterodactyl has lit upon their bony mugs and gave the train not another thought.

But those who had earned less funny money decided that the super duper high speed train needed to be throttled back a bit. If Chinese goods suck, and they do. Then how shitty will they be when only 50% of the allocated funds made it to the shitty product? This was step 1 in the throttling back process.

The trains ran for a bit and the locals reeked with china-happiness and ran to purchase tickets. Once again an aged combover in between checking for illicit funds ‘ hisself’ decided that having nothing more than pudding for a base is potentially unsafe for things that weigh a ton and go 200mph so once again they throttled back.

The now not quite so high speed trains began to make their runs once more. All of the sudden disaster, or the inevitable struck and two trains went bing bang boom and the country was mortified. Mortified not at the loss of life nor sadness, but at the fact they’d been found out.

Being somewhat smart they did what any responsible repressive regime would do, they buried the evidence. Yeah they figured that there was no need to truly understand what had caused the accident, in all honesty the potential fault points would number in the millions. So they buried the train.

after this the not so super duper high speed train became the ok, were not quite that good but we’re still fast train which now was told to become the ‘ok we’re not quite so high speed and maybe we can’t really go fast so how about we make these things move about as quickly as a fat man walking?” And so it was decided and so it was written and so it shall be. (story here)

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EV’s Where will China Plug In- China and Electric Cars

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 23, 2011

Electric vehicles are probably the things of the future. ‘hey pass me a 40’ Obama wants a million of them on the road by ’15, a few years after his tired ass is no longer gracing the white house. China too has made promises for the development of e-vehicles, but I have my doubts.

The problem is that so far China has no clear pecking order so just who will receive how much in the way of bribes is probably the biggest stumbling block to date. If this issue cannot resolved then e-vehicles will stall in China.
Another issue came to me as I read Wired magazine here. The thing is that humans can plug in their cars in their homes, those are things we all have. The problem is that Chinese are stuffed like chickens into tall coups, they have no homes but live in apartments stacked one on top of the other. Carrying an ebike battery to ones apartment to char?

So how do 1.3 billion chinese plug in a car when their home resided hundreds of feet above the ground?
Can you imagine the ire when millions of Chinese line up to charge an e-vehicle at a public charging station?

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