China ‘made’ the ” super incredible pride of China go fast high speed train with Chinese characteristics!!!”
This marvel of Chinese/Japanese/German tech was to signal the rise of China, to showcase what she had become. Ignorant louts from places as far away as Vietnam, Brazil, San Francisco and even Europe marveled at her manufacturing prowess and soon it became obvious that it was to be a Chinese millennium. Justifiably the trains were known as ‘High speed rail’- the pride of China.
As they rolled off the assembly lines hordes of chinese banged their infinitesimally little hands in what they considered to be applause as they marveled at the shiny ‘go fast’ tubes. ‘the century is ours’ they mused in between mouthfuls of stinky tofu and rotten animal krokus.
While attempting to act with humility they allowed their neighbors across the water to know that the dreaded Nipponese no longer were the masters of the tech universe, but a new dragon was in town. They even tested this modern marvel and clocked it at world record speed, ‘all hail the new china’!
And then they found out that some fat old guy who was in charge of China’s rebirth had done a naughty thing and had liberated some of the excess red mao notes from the coffers of the firm, all in the name of assisting China, I am told. Yeah he figured that neither 20 nor 50 nor 100 million would suffice but went for about 300 – allegedly.
Then the Chinese got a bit worried. They said to themselves “hey chinese stuff usually sucks cuz we have no skill. if we cant’ steal the tech directly from civilized countries, we’ll surely fuk it up. ”
and the other chinese guys said “uh we all know that but what does it have to do with a guy stealing 40% of a billion dollars or more?” and the other guy who stands no taller than a turnstile lights a cancer stick with extra cancer and shrugs his coin-wide shoulders. ” i dont know.”
Then agreeing that Chinese goods suck irrespective of who is managing them. That decided they checked their hidden accounts overseas and then flush with the pride that only men who receive illicit funds can muster they went out bought some new chinese second wives and purses for them to dangle from their bony wrists as well as those obnoxious eyelashes that make it appear as if a pterodactyl has lit upon their bony mugs and gave the train not another thought.
But those who had earned less funny money decided that the super duper high speed train needed to be throttled back a bit. If Chinese goods suck, and they do. Then how shitty will they be when only 50% of the allocated funds made it to the shitty product? This was step 1 in the throttling back process.
The trains ran for a bit and the locals reeked with china-happiness and ran to purchase tickets. Once again an aged combover in between checking for illicit funds ‘ hisself’ decided that having nothing more than pudding for a base is potentially unsafe for things that weigh a ton and go 200mph so once again they throttled back.
The now not quite so high speed trains began to make their runs once more. All of the sudden disaster, or the inevitable struck and two trains went bing bang boom and the country was mortified. Mortified not at the loss of life nor sadness, but at the fact they’d been found out.
Being somewhat smart they did what any responsible repressive regime would do, they buried the evidence. Yeah they figured that there was no need to truly understand what had caused the accident, in all honesty the potential fault points would number in the millions. So they buried the train.
after this the not so super duper high speed train became the ok, were not quite that good but we’re still fast train which now was told to become the ‘ok we’re not quite so high speed and maybe we can’t really go fast so how about we make these things move about as quickly as a fat man walking?” And so it was decided and so it was written and so it shall be. (story here)
Understanding China, One Blog at a Time 