Understanding China, One Blog at a Time

An American in China

Apartment Hunting in China

Posted by w_thames_the_d on September 17, 2011


Went looking for a new place in China, a process which can best be compared to a good hard kick to the nuts or giving birth. It’s not that the Chinese are trying to be hard to deal with but they are Chinese. The process of buying or renting anything in China brings to mind the term Chinese fire drill. That is the game that young kids and frat boys play when drunk and stopped at a red light. The idea is to disembark from a car and then run like idiots then return to the car, this is Chinese bureaucracy
Upon arriving at a Chinese realtor you will smell desperation, hair stench and ignorance. The men and women peddling houses in china, i am convinced, are giving less training than the venerable tea maven blogged about here. The maven at least gets a good humpin’ before stuck in front of live customers, but the ‘chinese realtors’ dont even get this. their task, again as far as I can tell, is to slurp noodles while perched gargoyle like behind computers and wait for ignorant foreigners to arrive.
Upon seeing their prey, these ‘chinese professionals’ attack with a vengeance. They rise, piss on themselves , bump into one another and act pretty stupid all the while filling the air with body odor and garlic.

Once it has been decided that they may be of assistance, they will plod along in those knock off designer pants, black shoes and white socks all the while screeching into their cell phones while trying to figure out where the house they are renting is found. The entire affair usually resolves itself with you standing before a miniscule room that reaks of waste and oil, a miserable flea bag of a place the are shoving at you for the equivalent of 1000 civilized dollars per month…
inevitably you leave and curse China and the mongrels that surround you…

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