Understanding China, One Blog at a Time

An American in China

Toxic Chinese Gutter Oil- Yum Yum

Posted by w_thames_the_d on November 9, 2011

These things pictured here are filled with swill or gutter oil. This is the stuff that according to chinese sources, at least 10% of all meals here are cooked with. The process is nothing less than filtering out the cigarette butts, the bottle caps and chopsticks and then re-bottling and selling it. My friends from Sichuan refuse to eat at the restaurants due to fear of this stuff.
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One Response to “Toxic Chinese Gutter Oil- Yum Yum”

  1. gowron said

    I gave up the chance to join the Legionares. For this fuck shit? I was only expected to live in the big stinky for 1 year, the F.O. To France to become a Legionare knight. Well l aint spending another Christmas in the Big Stinky, I’m soo booking a plane out of here, Then I’m going to masturbate shit, and PISS all over my Chinese papers. There is only one MEMORY I’ll have of China, and that is stinky chinese shoes lieing in some rubbish pile beside sidewalk, well that and Xue Yue Yue’s “pubes” (feces).

    I’m fucking going to ace the entry exam to join the forces, I’m going to get a pension, and I’m going to be somebody. My future in “the Big Sweaty”? Endless tours of factories, endless, “Trade shows” (aka getting drunk on Bao Jaio, (trying to make it home on one piece as the Factory’s son’s faggot son (driver), had a half tumbler (cup), of Bao Jaio, I couldn’t even find a fucking seat belt, (seat belt!??!??! fuck you it’s a Chinese car, Seat belt! Lol). I rather be running around serving humanitarian projects as a peace keeper, if I’m going to risk my limb. Like in China, you get crippled then it’s fuck you. Only with my faggot of a father, to mumble “I’m Sorry…. It’s this _______ (insert some lame Baby boomber bullshit lame excuse for “EVERYTHING”, because he lacked the courage and the manly manes to put down the fucking bottle. I have ZERO respect for alcholics. Boo Mother fucking HOO. oh no, your weak pussy fag will (any ethnicity, ESPECIALLY Stinky Piss skins), Like with the end of communism, did the youth my pop’s generation who were in the Yuppie age, do anything to foster democracies, or world peace?

    Fuck that, I’m joining the Forces, I’m becoming a freedom fighter. There is no way in FUCK I’m becoming anything like my pop’s generation. All this wealth, but then you booze it up.. Well this ends my Chinese adventures in the stink land. I’m making a beeline to Canada this Christmas, and linking up with the nearest recruitment center. I’m going to be somebody. i’m going to be a part of Democracy. my future in 5 years? contacts in the veterans, social respect to accomplish goals, a nice pension. 5 years in China… “cancer operations, for poo oil, pooey air, stinky garbage, poisonous water, some faggot piss skin youth stabbing me, because he’s jonesing for another hit of Warcraft cards. Infact I should begin packing my bags now. Things I lost in China: my porn (irreplaceable porn), my medal is chipped, (I wanted to bring my gold medal I got for service to the poor (and earning the duke of Edinburgh Award to impress my dad who I haven’t seen in what 17 years as he screwed ever stinky sweat box in China (This would explain why my half sister and brother are….. Well let’s just say I’m assuming a nice proper Korean persona upon my return to Canada), anyways, because it’s gold it’s chipped as it’s jostled around in multiple moves around the big stinky (the recent trip to Shitanghai was one such trip, but the medal was safe in HK, (if My land lord dare stole it, I’m ninjaing her and going for the fucking rope and ninjaing all these piss skins!). Anyways, I lost my World Youth Day Catholic Bandanna (of course my dad plays if off, thinking it’s just some luggage tag. Gee my dad can remember all “baby” inuendos of mannerisms of his babies including my “Jook Jook jook” (a baby babbling for Chinse pukecoongee.), but

    ARRRRRRHGHGHGHGHHG I can’t take this fucking, country. Plus I lost my DVD copy of Firefly, UHF, and I think Mr Bean…. because the faggot I worked with (one of those “punk haired” fag boys). fuck that. I’m heading back to Canada. I’m going to catch up movies, work out, and try to fit in a year worth of gap, just incase I get injured by some barbarian Piss skin effeminate faggot trying to foolish invade America (which HE blames, is all Whitey’s fault), and I can’t remember and the army head shrinkier is trying to piece my head together and I am “missing a year”, but honestly do I want to remember shit on pubes Xue yue yue.

    Fuck off and die China.

    Like I could have spend this year doing something PRODUCTIVE, oh I don’t know volunteer again for habitat for humanity, donate 6 bloods to Canadians (I missed a whole entire year of blood donations in Chou-chou (stinky), China, I missed the political party I love the NDP becoming the opposition, I missed the return of the Winnipeg Jets (the holy Grail mother fucking holy grail of my life, this is tantamount to say the defeat of Communism in Ethopia, Cambodia (and the return of it’s king), this is tantamount of the founding of East Timor, or TIBET, or even the mythical Gypsie homeworld!!! For me a hockey fan from Winnipeg, this is tanta mount to Jesus returning and being granted citizenship to the highest tier in Mormon Heaven itself! And I was here in the big stinky getting sick from Shanghai’s germ infested goo (I loved the part where some old dirty piss WRINKLE skin decided to BLOW his nose (the usual air blow), ON MOTHER FUCKING ME!

    Highlights of my trip to China.

    1) Breathed toxic goo in Wenzhou looking for Pipe manufacturers at a “trade show”, (toxic goo conprised of our business “uncle’s” (in China, all older men, friends of dad are uncles), as he chained smoke KING sized 3 times stronger than Quebec smokes ciggerates. Like holy fuck, Just to into the wash room and jerk off, if you’re that bored peter, not smoke my virgin lungs out.

    2)SMELLED all manners of filth. (Again perhaps the reason why there is something fungal in my lungs is because I breathed in some microbe, remember Hong Kong Guangzhou, and china are ground zeros of many biliical plagues. (all because they can’t be bothered to FUCKING MOP WITH BLEEEEEACH!!!!!!!!). Fall time, leaves goo, Chinese Poodong river……. :_(

    3)Stepped in all manners of filth. (I lived in Cangpoo (Cangzhou), in a flop house, To save money (my dad runs a side operation, one of those ammature gurillia marketing type of operations, so we needed to conserve money to cover the occas…. FREQUENT fuck ups in the production line (ie some piss skin pit boss fucked off to Fuckcouver, or my dear dear Calgary. I’m going to hunt these mother fuckers down any rich Chinese fucktard especially if they act in the most retarded ways in a post secondary school (can’t be to hard, just look for the powerless rich fuck who still thinks he’s a party prince-ess, (when living in a land of true PEOPLE democracy, they’re equal beyond the law, doesn’t matter if Li Guang is their fuck dad). I’m going to savagely beat the fuck out of these homos, and have the Tibetan Students, Vietnamese Students and all other students the stinky people fucked over…. cheer me on). Anyways, Cangpoo, was a very very low point in my life, And I got naked during my close friend’s wake and drunk, and dishonoured his great memory. (I’m low, and belive me I sunk even LOWER than that). Cangpoo really really really broke me down. But I did manange to see nuke plants up close. that was cool actually (not cool was the loose wires of the clay houses beside it with fraded wires, or teh poisoned rivers beside such houses, with these poo shacks spilling their cholera plague.

    4)Having sex to hookers, SMELLY ugly Chinese hookers. Because my idiiot fag boy half-sister’s brother, because I don’t have girlfriend in Canada, so everyone tries to make it their mission for me to get drunk at a KTV (fuck land with fucking shitty Songs in English, but all the patriotic songs about some old Chinese soldiers). One of them was a room full beautiful sheep (GOD I FUCKING HATE THAT CARTOON, AND I FUCKING HATE PIG BOY. or what ever it’s called. Xaio Jew Jew (GG Bond, you want to indict me for murder than force me to watch that cartoon, place a knife in my hand or a weapon and point out a target…. The next girl who asks Shen me, to me, and give me a cute little monkey grin I’m kicking out all her teeth! But I was young to this trip, naieve and still in stupid mode. Now I could care less mode. Speaking of people trying to match make, my insane dragon step mom is trying to arrange some girlfriend for me in China. Ummm no she’s already trying to Gold dig, my dad. Honestly, where does that bitch get her schemes from? Some old Victorian novel a movie? an old Golden age of cinema movie about femme fatales. Like if I were more naieve in my sweet Forest Gump innocence a year ago. I would have stupidly said yes. But when she finds out that I was penniless (that I was basically coming to CHINA to escape economic troubles!?!?!?!?!!?!? (is my head in my dick? fuck you Gowron). Like anyways, I fall for it, and then I have a mysterious siphon of money many years down the road, and a spy on family affairs you know lots of that movie bullshit politics. Soap opera bullshit. Like that’s all these idiots watch movies about this spy chick bullshit, and when they don’t work, then they spaze out and fucking freak out during Christmas throwin Tea Cups at you, because your clumsy hands spilled some tea or pop and you’re using some paper towels trying to mop up the mess, and she’s freaking out saying “save the paper save the paper” (note for Americandians Christmas sucks, because you to “save da pahpar, sav da pahpar”. (Now I know why Chinese seem so rich. We’re Cheapskates).

    5)I miss Harry Potter both part 7’s while fucking around here in Stinky land. On the big mother fucking screen!!!!!!! FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU CHINNAAAAAAAAAAANANANANANANANANANboooboo.

    6)I go face first into a Shanghai sidewalk intersection (however, my super human austistic powers absorbs and I just feel sore legs). My dragon step mom perversely blames ME for being “Gam Chung” (THAT Heavy). And that somehow she couldn’t stop at a RED and tries to zip past traffic. She eventually lets me go walk home alone, because she has to pick up her “kid” my half sister (highly suspect she’s a purchased girl to act as a pawn, to try and manipulate my dad, who loves babies, and toddlers, but ignores the kids emotional needs beyond (yes EVERYBODY wants their kids until they’re teenagers cute and cuddly, well not in China maybe what with the psycho teachers hacking children to pieces, running them over with trucks, chaining them up, flushing them down a river). Anyways, I got to an internet cafe, to see if I could try and hail Catholic message boards about the potential to go to WYD, (before my expiry date 35 years). I was 33 at the time. (great get to spend the last year of my young adult hood idiling away smelling shitty shoes). Anyways, the parnoid Poison Fa (Fa is her name, Poison Fa, some crazy flower that causes toxins that impares judgement, rational jugement), she has a habit of calling someone ie my dad over and over and over again every 5 minutes (literally), paranoid that he’s seeing another woman (yes he has done that, my dad like any Piss skin, is a sexual animal, only good for howling and fucking), Anyways, me having nothing to do in the dad-poison flower dynamics, and involved in my own world. keep on telling her yes yes I know how to get home I know. I’m just doing something important. so I eventually hail the necessary channels and what not with my plea to try and link up with them, in Hong Kong or something. So when I get home, I bump into her, who was manically trying to ride around the neighorbood to see where I went to. Eventually she accuses me of just going to a Mong Ba (Fuck you China Mong Ba? ), to play games, bullshit, Chinese games are substandard, and Chinese chicks honestly dont’ turn me on….. They look like simpering monkeys, especially when they pulse their lips like that to make them look cute….. fuck you china. So she freaks out that she and the baby are eating substandard food, growling like a beast, and focusing her hostility on me. Years of insanity inspired living in the big toxic stinky.

    7) Merry Christmas, if the 3 ghosts fo Christmas ever visit me, and they tell me all this bullshit about Christmas, I’m simply going to tell them abotu Christmas 2010 (and 2011, if I’m fucking stupid enough to stay… Im planning my “midnight run then”. I’m going to show them the door, telling her all about the Magic Episode of the Gowron in Stinky land Christmas episode that involved typical Chinese restraunt shinanagans, Screaming and yelling (above the norm, you know the ones that get on Youtube, Chinasmack, China hush, Understanding China, My Laowai, etc etc etc), EXCEPT IT’S COMiNG FROM MY FUCKING TABLE. that we were the cause of the Gong show. It’s only funny and cool when others do it. Not when YOUR party embaresses you. Well one GOOD thing that came of that night. At least I learned how to finally control a full sound inspired Aspergerian meltdown. ( we only like loud fun music, we don’t like loud idiot sounds, (like take the breaks of Shanghai transit, or the screeching metal of a Birdy car (BYD), snapping like boy scout knife, as the steering wheel went up the drivers genetal hole (ANY GENDER), and out their mouth, get to taste your own juices as a last memory of earth, how sad :_(….. Like she was throwing cups at me, and banging the table like a Piss skin at a UN meeting, Kruschev or something? Get to spend Christmas evening in some fancy hotel in Cangzhou (or at least what counts as a fancy hotel only for Whitey, you know with the “stains” (cum and ciggerates?), on the carpet, and etc. Fuck you China. Merry Fuckmas…

    Then a few days later the NEW YEARS episode. In Poohai (Zhuhai, what is it with the fucking piss skins and naming things after poo, Zhou Zu, Shu, Chu, Cho, Zho, Tso, Pu, Bu Du). anyways I’m just standing there, dreading the return back to Shitanghai, (Shit-Tang, hai), The land of shitty slow internet. Facebook close, youtube close… slow interent. compared to the fast interneting in Macau. ( we were there for “Stamps”, the Poison Flower lost money, and flipped out that she had to pay 17 bucks for a taxi, and losing the losing hand at Majong (although the Majong tables in China, the automated ones are kinda cool). Without contact with the Free world for save just 3 hours (in the 8 months of fuck shit, the noisy Meltdown inducing sounds of a typical conversation you know when two Grannies are growling friendly sentiments (FRIENDLY), at each other, or some old hairy nosed man is sneezing on YOU, or honking for just one car ahead (remember my video game rant of the taxi). Anyways, all these bad ju jus I KNEW something was going to happen. I guess the zero-factor, was arguing about get this…. clothes baggage. While waiting to go back to the land of no facebook. I quietly just stood there. the next thing I knew the Poison flower jumped the side cues (ropes), and was flaming firing for some ??????????!?!?!?!!?! reason. and attacking me, in a police state, (this was BEFORE I learned of the apathy here in China, the proud Zhoungmenhui, a race of Earthened Zombie statues guarding their precious Middle Kingdom). I honestly though the Chinese cops lovers of violence, who would easily murder CHILDREN, murder and RAPE a child, would oh I don’t know TAZER the bitch? (in Canada, when a Ukranian immergrant became detached with his mother, and couldn’t speak English, he naturally threw a King Kong fit, (typical of Piss Skins, ATYPICAL of caucasians actually), the RCMP had no choice to Taser him, this was BEFORE they learned of the lethality of using this on obese people)…. But Alas. DICk (Dis IS CHINA), the old men ( I love how old Chinese men look so petrified, (Their wives must have done a REAL number on them). (and this is why I don’t want a Chinese Xue Yue Yue, Chinese chicks don’t turn me on, harry armpits don’t turn me on). I love how they look like Bellatrix from Harry Potter with their bull shit perms.Or fuck, those dumpling Aunties, when THEY perm their hairs, Holy Fuck. I hate Shitanghai. Anyways, the Dragon lady keeps on kicking me, knocking off my glasses, (loves how she even tears my glasses off my face, and snaps them….. (which her HUSBAND my dad, has to PAY wasting more of HER PRECIOUS money. honestly do Chinese people think before they do things???!?!!?!?), Like what the fuck is she 3?!?!!? Goddamit my baby fake sister is more mature than SHE is…. (we’re working on a plan to get the girl to Canada, so she can go to School here, and have a future, and contribute, it’s not too late before she’s red scarfed, or Dragoned). It’s too late for her spiteful Aunt (one of Fa’s kids, she’s ok, but according to Dad, alot of soap opera bullshit best suited for immature college aged idiots. I’m in my 30s. I really want to move on beyond this family ancient family Chinese feud warriors under a full moon, brother pacts bullshit. I want to contribute to canada, to democracy and the world, I want my sister to do the same. (I know my dad means well, and he does love me us, the kids, but he chose the bottle unfortunately, I want a better future for myself. So I’m forgetting all this magical Chinese family clan warriors under a full moon with magical silver swords on a lake with full moon princess gliding sword fighting bullshit).

    8)The Poison Flower causes me to live an Anne Frank hiding from the Nazis like existance. Wow, example, locking the door, in the apartment I shared with them, and shit, or my dad splitting impulsively, and living with me in my apartment, A “Model Unit” complete with a toliet that didn’t work, and we saved water to flush it, complete with freezing room, complete with a broken bed, compete with boggery bug guts from sequested year bugs. complete with public washroom that smelled of Jenkem on the way to work, so I had to CROSS the road twice…..Always hiding, always Plan B, (fucking off back to Canada), these plans. of course for a prairie farm suburbian Chinese Canadian hick, all this was REALLY new and shocking to me.

    9) The Poison flower standing beside the door like a specter, ( I wasn’t paying attention I was too busy hastily packing for Hong Kong (fast internet, music downloads, PORN, FACEBOOK, especially music downloads, as my only source of entertainment was watching faggots in pretty make up, and mao hats shoot at a bunch of Japanese, and Chinese peasants charging at Japanese troops, or something (so, let me get this straight, we finally get our sacred Celestrial Kingdom of Heaven, back in to Chinese han hands, from Japan, and the Manchus, and we do THIS to China, take a huge shit on it?!?!?! so It was Ipod, Candy, the porn that DOES work in China, and the “English Channel’s” movie heavily censored renditions of American horror movies like the Accident prone “Final Destination series”. I did watch a movie about Marradona. ( which I confused as Luis Figo, because the Chinese get this….. referred Diego Maradonna (Argentina), as tada…… Luis Figo. *face palm*…… ). I can see why Chinese smoke so much, because there is dip shit to do. You can’t go to gyms run by the YMCA, surprise surprise Christians are not allowed, you can’t go to a track to run, you can’t go to a park to run, surprise surprise, Cangzhou was just empty court yards, and bullshit, like EMPTYNESS like the soul and hole in the brain labotomized lobe where conscience, and work ethic resides in. Like Chinese cities are sooo empty, like their economic future, lol like their banks. And this isn’t empty as in brand new ghost town-mall empty, like I mean there are strange court yards, seperarting old blocks of chinese houses, (construction yards? parking? And you have a HUGGEEE quad of land, and parks full of garbage, and of course honking cars. And like you said Shanking teenagers. Fuck you piss skin China. Anyways, I was packing up for Free China, and she stood there with a knife in her hand!?!!??!!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!? threatening that I better go back to Canada. (you know that’s not really an insult! you want to go to hell, some place unpleasant, she’s basically telling me someone she hates, to go to someplace CLEAN, and quiet, and get this COMFORTABLE). Like go to Compton go to Detroit, Cleveland (you know I never really understood the Cleveland joke). Then you tell them go to Palm Springs, go to Hermsosa Beach, or Go to Haiwaii lol.

    10) being chew up by carnivous beastly bugs. HYea having an allergic reaction to the different spieces of muzzies here…. to the point I was leaking goo. (blisters). yayeeeee. Fearing that I I might have some plague diesease…. I can’t wait until I move back to Canada…..

    11) Not donating blood, This is my primary chief activity of service. For the 7 months of living in this bullshit place, I have managed to donate in Hong Kong, 3 times. (trying to get in the Guiness book to see if I can donate in at least once (or more in the continents here). I shouldn’t fret though, like I hear donating blood here gives you AIDS, and I can see why……

    12) the why being, DISEASED sick bays, and diseased Hyprosprays, For instance the male’s washroom in Guangxi’s “hospital” just a bunch of accpunctureists, and quakery IV rooms (with Ancient Chinese scholars on the doors) with a male washroom, just a pit in the ground with two cement blocks for shitting in, with poo stains everywhere. The hospital in Hong Kong, wasn’t that too off, but at least they were “Clean”. Beacuse the poison Flower kept on being cheap and feeding us shit, especially her “daughter”, ie the 1 RMB chickens you can get from diseased Chinese markets…. The girl got constantly sick (she saves the money for herself (perhaps trying to save a tiny nestegg so when SHE can have her own “plan B”, (which she has no doubts to find me a wife, that siphons money to her account IF (ha ha), I was stupid enough to marry… Anyways, the girl often went to an IV room, filled with other little Piss skin monkeys (I love how Chinese boys look like cute monkeys with fuzzy hair), like perhaps 6 kids already in there sick as fuck, with ??? then have to come in for shots, on a sick bed with sheets that arn’t changed, and the paitent is wearing their STREET clothes. complete with shoes. (where you step on shit), if you’re a kid). Like I was sick many times, with the Xue Yue Yue… once in Cangzhou, I went to a “clinic”, that was made out of a GARAGE (although a nice fancy clean one).

    Another time, I got the Xue Yue Yue, pukes and simple salt water solutions drinking seemed to have helped. This Christmas I’m heading back the first thing I’m going to do, is take a nice warm bath in clean water, drinking out of the CLEAN tap….

    13)KFC, Mickey Fucks (although I’m not terrible a big fan of Mick Donald’s), it’s going to feeel soooooo goood eating REAL Mc Dickheads, and KFC, and not this MFC (MicFriedChicken, a bootleg KFC). I’m going to get me some nice, Jello Pudding, with Coconut sprinkles, CAptain Crunch (I honestly had a fucking anuraysm when I heard of the rumor that they were getting rid of Captain Crunch and I was here in the Big stinky…

    Fuck you China.

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