Understanding China, One Blog at a Time

An American in China

Archive for November 21st, 2011

Chinese “Security Guards” AKA Barney Fife’wang

Posted by w_thames_the_d on November 21, 2011

China has these things called ‘security guards’, but like most things here they need further description. According to m-w.com a guard is
: one assigned to protect or oversee another: as
a : a person or a body of persons on sentinel duty”

This definition, however, fails when trying to comprehend what a ‘chinese security’ guard truly is. so , to enlighten my fellow cynics, WT has created a working definition for a Chinese security guard , to wit

Chinese security guard
1- person who shortly after being plucked from the womb, engages in various failures aka jobs until he is sent from the deepest recesses of poverty stricken china to any major metropolitan whereupon he learns to smoke and act terribly disinterested.

The overflowing cap he wears must sag to his ears and or effeminate shoulders.

Said guard should be proficient in garble talk and avoid foreigners at all costs. His lilliputian fngers should be able to twirl that slab of over sized chopstick they call a baton in an unassuming and less than menacing fashion.

His body height and weight should be similar to that of a marsupial , the less imposing the better.

A stern look of ignorance is a must, lest he be forced to provide things like directions and or customer care.

His lithe body should be no more robust than one of those fly traps that hangs from the ceiling so that he can fit into the uni-size attire and belt that he must wrap ‘cocoon like’ around his timid frame.

Slopping noodles from a bowl is a must and possession of the uncanny ability to avoid conflict at all costs is essential.

contrary to popular opinion, there are actually gazillions of these men and not just a clone of deng yi dung, who was the most noble model thereof.

No schooling is required, and actually discouraged, lest he get ambitious and foil any of the chicanery the ‘leaders’ are up to.

Contrary to his peers in the west who thrive on the power that wielding a radio imply, he is satisfied with wiling away his days marching in unobtrusive silence.

(ps the guy in the photo is a real Chinese cop aka a guy who only ten years ago was more of a fuk up than a security guard but leveraged a contact so that he now earns thousand on extorting cash from the populace- allegedly)

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China’s Economic Collapse, Loan Sharks and Drunks

Posted by w_thames_the_d on November 21, 2011

China has sucked the paps of the good life for too long. As such they have been taught not to persevere, but to lie and steal, things in which they are very adept.
A Chinese town called ordos is in inner mongolia, a place, btw filled with ethnic minorities and hatred for the ruling hans. This town called ordos was supposed to be the richest in China but now is falling just like much of the rest.
The reason is that the loan sharks want their cash and the cash went into the g-strings of hookers and idiotic projects whereby 100 meters of home cost millions of dollars.
Thus, there is no one to buy the overpriced property so their is no cash to pay the loan sharks. Thus, the Chinese, who have learned that responsibility is a four letter word, are doing what all good people are doing, they are hiding in jails.
Story here
“”Many debtors deliberately drive past police stations while drunk,” a legal practitioner told Southern Weekly. “They want to spend a few days behind bars away from creditors.”
One estimate says that 90% of families in Ordos are somehow involved with loan sharks, and a previous outbreak of defaults nearly turned the city into a ghost town. Ordos residents, some of the richest in China, accumulated wealth through coal mining and relocation compensation. They then took out high-interest loans on the black market and invested in the real estate market and coal mining industry.”
(the pic is of that guy who is clipping his toenails as he waits on his forty acres and a mule.)

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Chinese and Health

Posted by w_thames_the_d on November 21, 2011

Chinese, who are great cooks, feel it their birthright to counsel you on all it is that you consume. They will tell you which animal member is the best and the spices which will help your little brother do his job. They also know a litany of worms, bugs and snakes that will cure everything from Alzheimers to the gout. My question is
If the Chinese know so much about food and how it effects our health, then why is the typical China man no taller than a short stack of pancakes and has the shoulder span of a number 2 pencil?

(ps look at the pic wtf is up with that nurse with the Marge Simpson head?)

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Closed Poontang Parlors and Corrupt Officials

Posted by w_thames_the_d on November 21, 2011

Today is a dark day in the anus and annals of Beijing history. Two of the poontang parlors or furious fists of male health are closed. I just went out to get some provisions and the two massage parlors/whack shacks are shut down.

I truly suspect that this will be nothing more than a ‘blue nutt’ in the life of the local fen qing aka angry youth, (sp) who daily bump into hordes of other equally ugly men with those nasty adams apples that jut out like giraffes heads.

Anyway, these sawed off little men with minuscule feet, did you ever notice how they Chinese have tiny feet and hands?
Damn I am all over the map. It is a wonder that I ever got my associates from that mail in university from the deep south where marrying kin folk is the law.
Back to China.
Ok downstairs I have a bakers dozen of whack shacks, which are massage parlors that charge from 15 -20 US for a hand job- if you are adventurous ask for a (xiong cui- Shoonng tway). Anyway, these things are always open and birdlike the chicks sprawl like a pride of leopards on stained couches while they wait for the local hard-ons to come and make their day.
Today, as I stated, two of these places are closed- the two that face my building. The funny thing is that none of the ten others are, so I wonder why the local cheating bastards aka police shut down just these two?
It does not matter, they will be open tomorrow.
As for me, I am just enjoying freedom with Chinese characteristics.

Cannot search
Tianenman 1989
chinese corruption
chinese human rights,

Cannot use


in the words of the King
Fk YOu china!

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China’s Land Collapse and Toxic Oil

Posted by w_thames_the_d on November 21, 2011

Comment from Brewskie and some news.
Brew is talking about the swill oil in China- its in 10% of all meals here. The stuff is toxic and cancerous, like the Chinese air. In addition, he clipped a piece about how China is sucking so much coal from her land that in one province it is collapsing. That is why the chinese are invading other ocuntries, ie canada , USA , singapore to buy homes. The rich, aka those who steal from the poor and poison them, aka communist thugs, send their little one child problems and wives to civilization and then will join them there when this stink hole collapses or when they have enough cash.
From Brew:
“Defiantly one industry I’m longing when the global economy goes down the toilet. Become an entrepreneur, make money and poison people; must be willing to rise before roosters.

Say, is it really possible for 1/7th of a province to face land collapse prospects? In Shanxi, I guess it is: Greedy extrapolation of coal (Shanxi farts out a quarter of China’s production) has left the land hollowed, and the ground as stalwart as a Chinese cardboard condo (ok, the latter’s an exaggeration, but still).

So in another loss of superlatives, it appears Shanxi has displaced the US as the land of sinkholes. I’ll provide an excerpt from linked article. As for myself: I’ve been busy, so I’ve been out of the China loop recently and likely will be for a week, maybe a week and a half. But I’m not going anywhere. =)


“Producing one-fourth of the country’s coal output, the magazine said that nearly 30,000 of Shanxi’s 150,000 square kilometers of land sits atop excavated mines, with over 700 villages deemed uninhabitable and 3 million people now affected. One online user even described Shanxi as “floating.”

In Pangpangta village in the province’s western Lin county, land giving way on a large scale has been ongoing since July, following the local authorities’ June relocation announcement. Coal mining in the village started in 1968, according to Pangpangta residents, who added that signs of sinkhole formation emerged as early as 2000 when several cave houses collapsed in the village, which is built along a mountain.

The situation worsened after a mining company arrived in 2003 and boosted annual coal production from less than 100,000 tons to 3 million tons, the weekly said. After a massive collapse in July, villagers were forced to take refuge in a nearby mine workers’ dormitory that was built in the 1960s and had been abandoned for years. Local Communist party official Guo Yuan admitted that the disaster was caused by mining and said that since 2004 most local residents had been relocated by the authorities to other towns, with less than 100 people, mostly the elderly, continuing to live in Pangpangta, as of 2010.

The once-prosperous Luojianggou village, which the magazine likened to the site of a nuclear explosion, was also destroyed because of the 1.8 million tons of coal housed below it. The village’s key location leading to Nanfeng village, which has a proven coal reserve of 105 million tons, made it a target of miners.

Since it is against the law to mine coal found under buildings, railways and water bodies, the group negotiated a compensation plan with the local government to relocate Luojianggou residents. However, damage to houses and the sound of mining machinery, village official Jiang Yusheng said, indicated that the mining company had already begun excavating under the village before the relocation was completed in May 2002. Also, a rift measuring three meters in width and continuing to an unknown depth, which stretches over 1,000 meters, has also emerged as a result of over-mining.

What is more, the poor construction quality of buildings housing (What’s that? What’s that?) relocated residents, the weekly said, exposed a corruption scandal involving local officials who announced a 11.3-million-yuan (US$1.78 million) compensation package despite the fact that the group paid out 48.87 million yuan (US$7.69 million).”

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