Understanding China, One Blog at a Time

An American in China

A Penny, An Airplane and Chinese Dreams

Posted by w_thames_the_d on December 13, 2011


The other day as i journeyed on my way to the land of the lost- china, I had an interesting experience. I had come from the land of justice and peace and had a layover in some small country in the pacific. The reason for the maneuver/layover was to eschew a direct flight and limit my contact to the local chinese who flock to the Beijing to New York flights like a commuist to corruption.

In my humble travels, I have learned that the chinese posses a unique ability to defile most if not all of the things they touch or experience and international flights are not exempt. Thus, as iIsat there waiting for the humans to deplane and the Chinese to board, I readied myself for hell- aka my return to China. what I did was to stuff wads of cotton deep into the recesses of my ears to avoid the aural onslaught that that defines the locals. What I did not know, was that as I yanked objects from my dennis the menace-like pockets, a penny fell out onto the seats to my front.

As we all know, a US penny is about as worthless as a law in China or six communist leaders, so even if I had seen it, odds are I would have let it be.

In about ten minutes as the chinese boarded the plane and filled it with mangle talk and lunacy, I spied a cabbage shaped chinese vixen in front of me. This woman, whose head looked like the love child of a tonka truck and a VW bus, sported a maw full of multi colored teeth that put me in mind of Christmas. The woman, upon entering, made it clear to all that her opinion was invaluable and at decibel levels equaling that of an AC DC set, she began to tell one and all about her most recent trip.

Soon enough her blood sugar dipped and she was forced to bow her bubbly arse into her seat. Suddenly , the elder stateswoman spied the shiny penny before her and with the quickness of a panther lanced at it with ham like fists. She then hugged the treasure to her chest, which had settled comfortably around her belt in a lumpy mess. Concentrating a discerning eye on the object, she smiled with glee. ‘Surely’ she thought, ‘this is nothing less than a fallen treasure from a rich passenger. then with the skill of a coal miner she polished the trinket then held it up for her buddy to appraise.

Her buddy, who from the scent of her mouth had recently consumed a metric ton of garlic, looked at the tiny object and shrugged. The large headed owner of the trinket proceeded to explain the good fortune that had befallen her. once again brandishing the trinket and with a gulp of glee wondered aloud what it was worth.

With a jealousy only the chinese can possess her friend eyed the matron with contempt and smiled. She then offered she was unsure, but thought it looked like gold or some other precious metal.

With that bit of news tossing about her semi empty skull, the large-headed one, stuffed it into her purse while visions of Bentley’s and ocean side mansions danced before her. she obsequiously fastened her seat belt and steadied herself for the return flight, a woman full of hope.

I can just see her now running off to some chiense jeweler in search of an approasisal. where , for the paltry sum of $100, the man will inform her that far from a relic, the object is nothing more than a hunk of copper that some barbaric nation utilizes to keep score in that game we call business.

After days filled with despair, the big headed woman will forgo all things healthy as she sinks into a semi depression. then one day it will hit her. Although said trinket is only worth 1 cent on the free market, the copper inside is worth twice s much. I can see the old woman now hunched over her sink with a blow torch and a plate in an attempt to unlock the true value of said coin. she attacks it with a savagery not seen since the 60’s and will not stop till she’s done.

While unable to purchase that mansion overlooking the bay, she will no doubt be better off. for in the quid pro quo country that is China, getting something for nothing is always a thing of beauty.

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