Understanding China, One Blog at a Time

An American in China

Archive for April 8th, 2012

China to Send Tourists to Disputed Parcel Islands

Posted by w_thames_the_d on April 8, 2012

China believes that they control virtually every piece of land under the sun. Absent from their text books are the wonders of other civilizations that make Chinese ‘treasures’ to be the low quality trinkets that they are. One need only compare the incredible Roman, Egyptian and even Mexican structures versus the big fence that the Chinese made, to see what advanced civilizations are capable of.
But back to the point at hand. China, in the belief that they are ‘peacefully rising’, are planning to send tourists to the disputed Parcel islands. I can see the point of it. After sending a gaggle of doddering, spitting, ignorant Chinese to fumble along the island and litter, smoke and basically destroy any aesthetics it may possess, the rest of the world will say ‘fk it, let them have the place’. and walk away…..
Look at the photos, all of the structures were built in the same time (actually China’s big fence was only completed a few houndred years ago and it still sucks)


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Top Ten Reasons Why China Sucks, From The King

Posted by w_thames_the_d on April 8, 2012

The Kings list of why you should not come to China

1. So you want to make money in China? Ok, how about bringing it HOME, with out typical red tape, and staff who pick this one moment to express their rather limited English vocabulary, but somehow, are comfortably articulate enough in a KTV hmmmmmmmmmm.

2. Adults shit in the streets, all you’ll smell is raw sweage, that gets you more permafried than Cheech Marin’s bong water.

3. The Chinese love Mayonaise. (Mayo, they’ll always say Mayo, (Mei Yao (not have).

4. the beaches have green pee water (you know how you urinate and the blue water turns lime green? That’s the colour of beaches here)

5. Depending on where you live would it be Mordor (The volcanic land where every step you take you breath vaporic acid) aka northern China, or a Jungle in the South, where the secenery may trigger Flashbacks from the time you played a Grunt extra on the set of “Platoon” all Chinese cities their drab colours, or their Garish colours (that will give you a stomach flu), like blood purple with Jade Emperior Green for house trimmings. most Chinese cities are run down tiled montrocities with grime that resemble the skidmarks of greasy old man’s undies. You know balding wearing a wife beater, beer, greasy stubble….

6. no entertainment, you’ll have to resort to drinking in a bar, oh look the teller from reason #1, just asked you for a drink, odd, NOW she can speak english?

7. Poison, this should be reason 1. But somehow this doesn’t seem to get through potential Expat’s heads, but everything is poisonous, the sustainance you eat, to the air you breath, to the second hand smoke (especially second hand smoke) ughhhh everything is poisonous, even if you make bazillion dollars What good is it when you have CANER?

8. Again should be reason 1, but you’re honestly really playing with fire, everything here is a gong show of accidents, that make “Final Destination” too real (I honestly can’t watch that awesome movie series now, because I actually seen those deaths happen in REAL life, or read about them anyways, Everything from retarded Chinese children who think that by jumping off a window they can enter the realm of Warcraft, to little girls who get smoked by cars, to drivers plunging off bridges, apartments turning people into pancakes. The chances of bodily physical harm have ten folded, so much that every lurch of plane train or automobile turns you into a nervous nelly, and if that’s not enough, the cab drivers who drive on the WRONG side of the road, run reds lights, and ride electric bikes on the SIDE WALK….. You might as well be the little frog on Frogger (an American video game where you help a little frog cross a freeway beside a river and navgate him across the river to his home. (odd that he drowns though, he’s a Frog! Frogs can swim?)

9. You’ll honestly have nothing to do, you don’t want to go to communist museums, the news periodicals are all intellectual masturbations like “psychologie”, and other 1984 Puritanical do good literature, you had enough raw data at work and just want to veg out your mind. so you turn on the tube. And are entertained with such wonderful sights as Japanese soldiers giving a Cesearian to a Pregnant Chinese peasant…… with his bayonette, Want to watch something more family oriented? Sure! cartoons where 5 year olds are actually kicking the shit out of each other with blades causing internal bleeding, or was that the kungfu animals? So once again you change the channel to the English channel. (all evening of 1) News, 2)Culture matters (again you’re just trying to veg out), 3)Lan Lan or Mike two effeminate Chinese pretty boy teenagers having adventures in China where language situations are preformed. (language program)

10. So it’s off to the bar, where oh look the teller girl who giggle and smiled politely to offer all sorts of reasons why she simply can’t transfer YOUR money back home so you’re ready to blow off (term for when Scientologists have enough of scientology and leave), she couldn’t understand the simple request of even giving you USD with a service charge… But now you see her charming the Laowais, with perfect english. Nah you’re just drunk have another. Tomorrow is just another day. where you get to transfer a mere 500 USD worth of RMB as you sigh and play their games.

There! are you guys scared enough now? DON’T COME TO CHINA. SAVE THE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE YOU CAN’T GET BACK. Go to Thailand, to go Brazil.. Stay in America…

and for a Bonus reason?
YOUR CHINESE PARTNERS WILL RIP YOU OFF, implicate you as a patsy for their blow off, on on that English gent’s case who was murdered, KILL YOU. if you haven’t done so already. (if not physically, they will steal your soul your manhood, as each factory you try to use after another fucks you over, causes you IRREPARABLE reputation as each project has failed, and or just take your money and blow off, leaving you holding the bag, bosses have done this, IPO’s have for websites.

China is like a movie set, Like court yard Square (a movie set of Universal Studios), like Al Bundy’s house (just the living room set). Like all you will hear are argumenents in the halls, Chinese love to use their outdoor voices, a fat fuzzy haired chinese monkey with red rosy cheeks, split pants, would be stomping his feet, saying “bu yao bu yao bu yao bu yao bu yao bu yao” This sound will sterlize you, so you don’t need a vasectemy. If you want kids tough titty says hello kitty.

You will be required to get a nose job once you return to where ever, involving just cutting it off, just to get the memory of this stinky place. Like everything smells metalic like oil like blue steel.

and your soul will be sucked in by the black holes called nostrels of these Chinese, especially the big fat fuzzy haired ones. That’s why they have that mmmmmmmmmm flat mouth expression they’re slowly sucking breathing in. Then they blow it out your soul in a puff of ciggerate smoking. Tell yourself that your soul is worth more than cheap 3 cent Chinese smokes!

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Good Sunday TV in China, all Pirated Western Fare

Posted by w_thames_the_d on April 8, 2012

The Chinese are by no means original, in anything, the tv, for example, is filled with programs like national geographic and the like, witha Chinese dub over. The funny thing is that you know these guys are not paying to liscence the shows, but merely Theiving them. My question, when will china start giving back to the world? Can’t they even come up with original programming ?

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Chinese Death Count and Anonymous, The King Has His Day

Posted by w_thames_the_d on April 8, 2012

Here is a note from The King, reaching out to the cyber world…

From the King….

Dear readers of Wt by now you guys are probably aware of the hacker attack on China, by Anynomous, I decided to send them a copy of my death report. So what am now? informant or something in this war of freedom? Hopefully the hackers decide to use this data. I’m slowly publishing it all over the webulons. So here’s the note I sent them. so if you don’t hear from me in a while. I’m being raped by pedoraste Red Guards.

But I feel as one of those guys in the 80’s that posted all this stuff against Hocnecker and Egon, in East Germany. It’s like I’m experiencing and participating in 1989 or pre 1989 stuff. WICKED. Like I never though in a bazillion years, that a Mc Worker like me who gets like D- D for Duhhhhhhhhhh, would be a freedom fighting wacko. Maybe I keep this laptop in one of those museums when Communism eventually falls. Like what I did was basically post about the death of a Red in the Phillipens, tally the immolations of the monks… and a bunch of other cool shit. When I get back to reality, in about a years time or this summer, however God decides to play it out. I wouldn’t mind staying here, I get to report and chronicalise the fall of Communism, or at least the mortal blows that led up to it.

Like as a kid in the 90s a spoiled and post Cold war generation, being enthralled at the tales of world travel by Social Studies teachers, (learning about the Fledgling BRICS), about what is like inside the newly disbanded USSR. Now I’m this person, now WE’RE these people on this forum, reporting.


To whom it may concern,

To whom it may concern,

I am expat living in China (family busineses, finding my roots, etc). And I find your blitz hacking of Chinese websites most intriguing. Keep up the Good work. I have over the past year or so compiled a tally report of the fatalities of Chinese since 1989 (the year for obvious reasons, fall of Communism, the so called “July Incident” to the present. (or until the CPC eventually falls). You no doubt, know of China’s economic meltdown since 2010, (climaxing around 2011, for a golden age), Muddy Waters reports, BYD collapsing. So everything you can possibly imagine that goes on in this evil regime is 100% true! If peaceful monks are immolating,

One such incident in my report that I can’t shake is a wave of child suicides that have occured during the first two days of school in 2010 (was it?), or horrible ways children can die over here, poison, murder, (one child jumped from a hotel into the parking lot to escape a drunk Red Guard)… a Princling (Children of Elite Red Nobility) even had the gall to hit a young mother (common Chinese live on 2 USD a day) and proceed to stab her. He was a music major. He killed her because she was still alive and taking licences and it’s “cheaper for a funeral”, children are deliberately run over, and often victims of random psychotic knife attacks.

Anyways, I know my report is hard to read. I am an amateur. I only wrote this to cope with the stresses of this culture shock. Originally, it only targeted deaths directly caused by CPC members (ie a drunk driver running over a bunch of elderly or something like that), or corruption in say a gulag factory. But eventually this paper took a life of it’s own, (I honestly think it is sentient with all the “blood” I have to report into it, to feed it. Now as I live here longer and see how virturally everything, would it be so called “Victorian” factories, or even acts of God (Gangsu mudslide (deforestation, with the “perfect storm” 2008) are all inter linked with mismangement graft, faulty construction (such as the children who were squished in 2008, during the Szechwan earthquake), (why didn’t the rich private school children suffer the fate as the village students?). The death toll now amounts to about 15 Million. I’m in the process of gathering these statistics more coherently. It was intended that I make a memorial for these victims of Red Terror, and intended I listen them under cause, but as Helter Skelter wild as these vastness of Cyberspace, this proved difficult. I apologize for this. I tried to bold in red key stats.

Combined with the body mass of yesteryear China (when it was excusable, for apologetics, (ie Korea, WWII), for the deaths to be blamed on the chaos in the aftermath, rather than Mao’s retarded progeny eating up all the food like pigs (really obese mistresses). I chose this as the so called “New China” when everything was supposed to be a paradise after 30 or so years of madness. Adding the old death toll of the Cultural Revolution at 80 Million (60 of the Great Famine+20 of purges, disease, infastructural dark ages) and 15 Million, roughly 100 Million are dead all together. Also I give the CPC the benefit of the doubt, when using conflicting statistics (example Tinanmen had 4 different stats), so I use the official party figures. Guilty into proven innocent, one of the treasured values of Democracy. Ironic, defending the dictatorship’s crimes using democratic principles. So, this death toll is much much higher and as truth eventually comes to light, thanks to folks like you, independent inquiries are commissioned….

Well just though you may be interested in these numbers, and thank you for your time.

PS. I’m surprised that there are just so many holes in the so called Great Firewall of China, I can easily read information about Tibet (I post on Wikipedia, under self immolations a update of how many have to resort to these drastic measures. I was even able to the Anonymous’s homepage and the drop box), especially after your awesome display of your skills, given that the internet here is on super lock down due to the Immolations unrest in Ughristan (Xinnang), and the so called “coup” in Beijing. It was very hope inspiring. Thank you… who ever you guys are.

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Englishmans Death at hands of Jealous Bo Xilai in China?

Posted by w_thames_the_d on April 8, 2012

Wantchinatimes is reporting that the English guy who “died” in china may have died due to jealousy of his relationship with Bo’s squeeze, mrs bobo….
Story here

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Old People in China

Posted by w_thames_the_d on April 8, 2012

By the numbers, China is screwed. By 2050 they will have more old people than America has people. And worse yet, 30% of all those elder lies, or over 110 million Chinese will be 80 years or older. What a horror, to be elderly in China.

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Easter Sunday in China

Posted by w_thames_the_d on April 8, 2012

Today is Easter, the day that Jesus arose from the dead. Or at least that is what Christians the world over believe. I do not know how the Chinese see it, after all, all Chinese churches are told what they may preach. Of course the communist party knows what is best, thus they dictate what the minions here know about God.
The communists have said that the Dali Lama cannot reincarnate without their permission, I wonder if this means that Jesus too, cannot revisit the world without the communists approval.
Pray for china

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