Starbucks, Chinese Stupidity and Hot Food

I went to Starbucks for a bite even though I live in China, a country with some of the best food on the planet. I guess that is just how I roll..

Anyway, as I was standing there thinking about how to get fatter, ie decide what to eat, and some Chinese guy saddles up to the counter with his one child disappointment in tow. Of course he had to utter some pig like grunts that approximated English my way, just to show he was not a total dud.

The guy then shook the little disappointment’s hand at me and waved it vigorously. Funny how much the Chinese resent us, but love to point their kids our way in the hopes of a free twenty second English lesson, but I digress.

So I am standing there and now this guy has made my daily shit list, which has grown exponentially as of late. I hurry and place my order in the hopes he will do something useful like plunge from the roof of a tall structure or merely go away.

As my order is being prepared, said moron asks the Starbucks professional (in Chinese of course), he says, “What food here can I get served hot”

WTF?

An audible sigh lept from my lips and I shook my head. WTF ? Is he kidding?

What food can I get served hot? Hey Jed Clampet, aside from munching on a steamy loaf of my dung, you can get any sandwich served hot.

I mean come on China, its the 21st century. Cool things like electricity and this marvelous thing called the internet have been created. Along with that are these spooky devices that actually can heat an object, any object in a matter of seconds. And yes all of that high fat stuff that is displayed under your crooked head can be eaten hot. I mean after all, Jed fuking Clampet, they only serve sandwiches at Sbucks!

I would have pitied the guy, but its not in my nature. Here we are smack dab in the ‘second coming’ of China, the worlds supposed innovation center and I’m stuck next to Fred Flintsone, some guy who peddles his rock car to and from a life of ignorance and fear.

It would be nice to say there is a moral to this story, but sadly there is not. All I can do is shake my head and once again thank the gods of fate that I was born ABC- anywhere but China.

ps. King, we miss your rants!!!!!!!!!!!