Understanding China, One Blog at a Time

An American in China

Archive for August 21st, 2012

China’s Thong – Booty Shake Contest

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 21, 2012

Here are vids of ‘sexy Chinese’ dancers. Is it just me or do the people from China have no rhythm whatsoever?



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Yummy Monkey Head Stew in China

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 21, 2012

The people from China eat everything. Pic from the Huffington Post

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China Bans ‘Dangerous’ Aussie Made Baby Formula-WTF

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 21, 2012

File this under ‘you stupid freaking morons’.

This site claims that “Baby formula milk powder manufactured by the Australian branch of US-based food giant Heinz has been blacklisted by China’s top quality watchdog for not meeting safety standards”

It further says that this ‘hazardous baby formula’ has excess amounts of vitamin b2 which may ” lead to itching, numbness”

Hmm. so the ever vigilant Chinese have chased down and banned a milk that has an excessive amount of a vitamin, which should in and of itself not be such a bad thing. After all, a little itching may be bothersome , but not deadly. I can see the strategic genius of investing tons of man hours combing over foreign made milk products instead of the high quality Chinese fare. The sluethful communists know that lurking in those innocent looking tubs of foreign milk lie untold horrors. Excess this, excess that, maybe short a vitamin here, maybe long a protein there. Evil barbaric foreigners!

But perhaps uncle chicom knows best. Maybe their time should be spent chasing down over vitamined foreign baby powder instead of busting gutter oil rings, or maybe even taking a crack at stopping those guys from dyeing meat gray and selling it as pork, and if that is asking too much then maybe, just maybe they could try and round up that Chjinese made milk powder that has poison knowingly introduced into it and then sold to bazillions of innocent children.

Congrats uncle Chicom, on a job well done.

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China Already Torturing Future Olympians

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 21, 2012

This manouver is called ‘hurl the kid in the air and see where he lands’. Its an oldie but a goodie from the Red Guard Days

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Hot News, Chinese Cops Catch Serial Killer..oh wait a sec, Shit They Got the Wrong Guy

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 21, 2012

Chinese cops are known for a lot of things. They are good at running from adversity, lounging around and showering public walls with their urine. But just the other day those lauded men in black and blue took time off from shaking down street vendors to actually chase down a real criminal. No, not a communist party member, but some other guy who killed a bunch of people.

It was reported that these noble Chinese cops killed a mass murderer from Chonqing, and no it was not Bo Xilai nor Gu Kailai, they both murdered in other areas as well-allegedly.

Anyway the chciom cops aka trick willies, said they killed the murderer. Now we find out that the man whose brains they splattered all over the pavement was not that cold blooded killer, but just some normal Chinese guy…..oopssssssss.

Sometimes the Chinese are so pitiful that you want to pick them up and hug them just like an old pos plush toy you used when you were four.

“Zhou Kehua, a fugitive serial armed robber and murderer who was supposedly shot dead by police in Chongqing on Aug. 14, has been reported alive and on the loose, according to the Chinese-language newspaper Beijing News.”

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Brasil Eu Te Amo Muito! Beautiful Brazilian Women

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 21, 2012

I left this scene to come to the big stinky. Just how freaking stupid am I? Btw, they are Brazilians.

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New About Bo Kailai, Bo Guagua And Other People with Baby Names

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 21, 2012

China is riddled with scandal right now, so let me clear some things up for ‘ya. First off, all of those Chinese names can be hard to keep straight. I mean just wtf is a Gu Kailai or Bo Guagua? Sounds like the first thing to come out of a baby’s mouth- the former, and the utterances of a porn star during the ‘money shot’- the latter.

In my usual impartial yet highly sophisticated way, I will now unravel the mysteries of just who the fk is whom in China today.

First some history
-Mao, some old guy with a fat head whose body is now turning green in Tianenman. He grew up under a wealthy landowner whom he despised. He then led the long retreat as the KMT fought the Japanese in WW2. Mao cleverly co-opted the poor villagers and then took over China. In his tenure of terror between 40million to 70million people died.

-Deng Xiao ping- the guy’s name is pronounced like Dung or poop, so how seriously can we take this clown?

-Jian Zhemin aka Dr Zayas from the Planet of the Apes. He did not do much but kill a bunch of people who believe in Tai Qi

-Hu Jintao-he is the size of a bag of flower and has the charm of a peptic ulcer. The guy offed tons of Tibetans in 1989, but has done little for the commoner. Oh yeah, he is the prez and leader of the communist party.

-Xi Jinping- he is a potato faced guy who will run China next. He is known for his ignorance and wife who ‘entertained’ the troops back in the day. OH yeah, he sent his girl to study at Harvard for a bunch of years and only makes like $15,ooo per annum, his family is worth assloads of cash, just like the dirty Bo Xilai.

Now for the News
Bo xilai is a charismatic guy who almost overthrew the communist regime, but there is still time. Bo is a smooth talker and revived many of Mao’s ideas. The Chinese loved him so the communist party feared him. He is currently drinking tequila with hookers and man servants at an unknown location.
Oh yeah, he supposedly killed at least 11 people and bombed an airplane. But no one knows cuz Bo ‘aint talkin’. Oh yeah, Bo’s dad had the odd name of Bo Yibo, which sounds like an excellent script for a man-on-man porn flick.

Bo Xilai, who is allegedly a murderer, making him prime communist leader material, married a woman who has admitted to murdering an Englishman. This woman , who’s name is Gu, as in ‘man-goo’, supposedly killed a bunch of other people too. There is a woman who is still missing in north east China where Bo was the top dog a few years ago. the rumor is that this woman had Bo’s kid in her belly and Gu said, “Oh no he aint yo baby’s daddy!” and chopped the woman into bite sized chunks and fed her to the fishies in the sea.

Gu, who is actually pretty hot, got a suspended murder sentence….Um, let me rephrase that. In China it is reputed that a stand in for Gu got a suspended death sentence. For, in China money is all that matters, aside from commie cred, and Gu has both. So, Gu was able to bribe her way out and paid a stand in to go to trial. Gu, it is alleged, will soon be sipping Jack Daniels and plotting her next murder in some civilized country like the USA where her vile offspring Bo Guagua resides.

Bo guagua’s body county is unknown, but if he’s anything like his p’s he should be in the double digits soon. Bo was kicked out of a passel of UK boarding schools because he is stupid. He supposedly banged the daughter of some high falutin’ US public servant here in between flunking out of schools and racing a red Porsche around Beijing and telling his mom to kill English guys.

Bo graduated from Harvard ‘Summa cum in his hair’- in true Chinese fashion. He either bribed his way through or Harvard said fk it let him pass, we need the cash.

Bo Guagua’, has said he wants to get into politics which means he too likes to kill Chinese. He is said to now roam California while hiding from communist knee bashers. He will wait till daddy Bo, gets his shit straight and then return will all the illicit cash, less that spent on coke and hookers and try to run China with Mr bo.

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Fearful China Tightens Visa Requirements

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 21, 2012

Whenever the Chinese fear a tianenman like event, they limit visas. After all, the last thing they want is millions of tourists to witness them spraying down unprotected citizens with a salvo of .50 cal slugs.
Now is such a time of fear..

If you’re planning a trip to China and don’t have an up-to-date visa in hand, you may encounter some additional red tape.

On Aug. 1, the Chinese government started requiring that travelers seeking tourist visas, officially known as L visas, submit a letter of invitation and photocopies of the traveler’s round-trip ticket and hotel reservations.

To obtain a business, or F Visa, applicants must now have an invitation letter or “confirmation letter of invitation” issued by an authorized Chinese agency. This is in addition to an invitation letter issued by a Chinese local government, company, corporation or institution.

For tourists, the invitation letter can come from a “duly authorized tourism unit” or it can be issued by a company, corporation, institution or individual in China. If the letter comes from an individual, a photocopy of her or his identification must also be provided.

The new, more complicated rules, unfortunately, don’t completely spell out what is considered a “duly authorized tourism unit” or what constitutes a “letter of invitation.” Consulate officials did not respond to our request for additional clarification.



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