Understanding China, One Blog at a Time

An American in China

New About Bo Kailai, Bo Guagua And Other People with Baby Names

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 21, 2012


China is riddled with scandal right now, so let me clear some things up for ‘ya. First off, all of those Chinese names can be hard to keep straight. I mean just wtf is a Gu Kailai or Bo Guagua? Sounds like the first thing to come out of a baby’s mouth- the former, and the utterances of a porn star during the ‘money shot’- the latter.

In my usual impartial yet highly sophisticated way, I will now unravel the mysteries of just who the fk is whom in China today.

First some history
-Mao, some old guy with a fat head whose body is now turning green in Tianenman. He grew up under a wealthy landowner whom he despised. He then led the long retreat as the KMT fought the Japanese in WW2. Mao cleverly co-opted the poor villagers and then took over China. In his tenure of terror between 40million to 70million people died.

-Deng Xiao ping- the guy’s name is pronounced like Dung or poop, so how seriously can we take this clown?

-Jian Zhemin aka Dr Zayas from the Planet of the Apes. He did not do much but kill a bunch of people who believe in Tai Qi

-Hu Jintao-he is the size of a bag of flower and has the charm of a peptic ulcer. The guy offed tons of Tibetans in 1989, but has done little for the commoner. Oh yeah, he is the prez and leader of the communist party.

-Xi Jinping- he is a potato faced guy who will run China next. He is known for his ignorance and wife who ‘entertained’ the troops back in the day. OH yeah, he sent his girl to study at Harvard for a bunch of years and only makes like $15,ooo per annum, his family is worth assloads of cash, just like the dirty Bo Xilai.

Now for the News
Bo xilai is a charismatic guy who almost overthrew the communist regime, but there is still time. Bo is a smooth talker and revived many of Mao’s ideas. The Chinese loved him so the communist party feared him. He is currently drinking tequila with hookers and man servants at an unknown location.
Oh yeah, he supposedly killed at least 11 people and bombed an airplane. But no one knows cuz Bo ‘aint talkin’. Oh yeah, Bo’s dad had the odd name of Bo Yibo, which sounds like an excellent script for a man-on-man porn flick.

Bo Xilai, who is allegedly a murderer, making him prime communist leader material, married a woman who has admitted to murdering an Englishman. This woman , who’s name is Gu, as in ‘man-goo’, supposedly killed a bunch of other people too. There is a woman who is still missing in north east China where Bo was the top dog a few years ago. the rumor is that this woman had Bo’s kid in her belly and Gu said, “Oh no he aint yo baby’s daddy!” and chopped the woman into bite sized chunks and fed her to the fishies in the sea.

Gu, who is actually pretty hot, got a suspended murder sentence….Um, let me rephrase that. In China it is reputed that a stand in for Gu got a suspended death sentence. For, in China money is all that matters, aside from commie cred, and Gu has both. So, Gu was able to bribe her way out and paid a stand in to go to trial. Gu, it is alleged, will soon be sipping Jack Daniels and plotting her next murder in some civilized country like the USA where her vile offspring Bo Guagua resides.

Bo guagua’s body county is unknown, but if he’s anything like his p’s he should be in the double digits soon. Bo was kicked out of a passel of UK boarding schools because he is stupid. He supposedly banged the daughter of some high falutin’ US public servant here in between flunking out of schools and racing a red Porsche around Beijing and telling his mom to kill English guys.

Bo graduated from Harvard ‘Summa cum in his hair’- in true Chinese fashion. He either bribed his way through or Harvard said fk it let him pass, we need the cash.

Bo Guagua’, has said he wants to get into politics which means he too likes to kill Chinese. He is said to now roam California while hiding from communist knee bashers. He will wait till daddy Bo, gets his shit straight and then return will all the illicit cash, less that spent on coke and hookers and try to run China with Mr bo.

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