Understanding China, One Blog at a Time

An American in China

Chinese ‘Service’ and Other Lies

Posted by w_thames_the_d on October 13, 2013


China has a lot of people which is like saying cancer has a lot of variations. Both are plentiful, but often less than helpful.

The term ‘service’ in China should be used with caution, after all, who considers the apelike stare and insolent attitude of a Chinese waiter/waitress served boiling hot, to equal anything along the lines of ‘service’ anyway?

What is interesting, however, is how the common Chinese gets service in this dump. Essentially there are two ways; 1shrieking at the top of one’s lungs and calling for the waitstaff 2 cajoling said staff with pretty words/ lies.

Confused? Well pull up your favorite mind alternating substance and take a listen…

One way to get served in China is to scream the mandarin term for that word ‘fuyuan’. Interestingly enough, the way in which you are approached, ignored/intimidated in any Chinese organization is the farthest substitute for ‘service’ that there is. Unless you assume that orange faces glaring at you with disdain as they chip at their finger and toe nails before attending your needs to be service, then you will be disappointed with your China eating experience.

Like most things here, the Chinese know they are supposed to approach you but do not understand that it is they you who are doing them a favor and not vice-versa. Without customers, their business would die, after all. But commie training being what it is, they fail to grasp such nuance.

Chinawhisper.com

The second point is much more difficult to comprehend, unless you have been to China. Instead of screeching ‘Service!’, you can bribe a waiter or waitress. One does this by patently lying to them.

For instance, many Chinese call a waitress ‘mei nve’ which, depending on tone, means ‘pretty woman’ . Now, anyone who has stepped foot in China realizes this to be an outright lie. ‘Pretty’ and ‘Chinese women’ are the definition of oxymorons.

Of course Chinese being a squalid landfill of nonsensical words, one can take a certain degree of liberty with words. For instance, Chinese has four tones for each word and changing the ‘tone ‘ for each can change its meaning.

Thus, the word ‘mei nve’, when howled in hyena tone 1

Actually means ‘pigs nuts’, or some such thing.

in tone 2, aka banshee

‘Mei nve’ means ‘utter stupidity’, or something of the like.

When cackled in howler monkey tone 3

‘Mei nve’ means ‘pretty woman’

while trilled in tone 4

It means ‘oil change’.

So where does this leave us? Right back where we started, but..

If one uses pinyin, which means spelling Chinese words just like humans do, then one sees that pretty is spelled ‘mei’ which can mean ‘not have’, which helps quite a bit. What we see is that what the Chinese are saying is not ‘pretty’ woman, but rather, ‘have no women’. When they order they are shrieking. ‘China Has no women, now wait on me!’

With that in mind we can agree that China, indeed, has no women, but limp wristed and pock chested he-she’s and she-he’s whose form approximates a pixy stick more than a real person, or perhaps an alien at best.

What this means is that even though we do not admit it, the people from China realize much more about themselves than we ever would. For instance, we bend over backwards to praise them and search for ways to ‘prove’ their greatness when in reality there is little to no proof of this. What we need to do is to treat them just as they treat each other, with scorn and distrust. For when we do this, we can fully understand the splendor of China, which is little more than ten dollar whack sessions.

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