Understanding China, One Blog at a Time

An American in China

‘Gravity’, Ass Kissing Hollywood and China

Posted by w_thames_the_d on December 14, 2013

I saw the movie ‘Gravity’ and have to call shenanigans. How much of China’s micro member does Hollywood have to jam into its mouth before the communists in Beijing are satisfied. First, lets do some fact checking.

– the space detritus that is a nuisance for all extra orbital flights is in fact Chinese and not Russian. One of the films subplots is that Russia blasted one of their own satellites which created a flying space menace of debris. This does exist, but it was created by the mind fuk in Beijing when they blasted their own satellite in order to prove they had some tech that worked.
– that space junk nearly caused the destruction of various satellites, not to mention space stations.

Now for supposition, in the movie, the heroine must reach the Chinese station in order to get back to earth, here is what I see wrong with that scenario – if the woman attempted to enter the Chinese station, she would have been A- killed on sight
B- kept and sold into slavery in China
C- served up as an aperitif by some cannibal-commies
D- sold into slavery, then killed and sold as an aperitif

– now for the Chinese station
Assuming she reached it, the thing would not work, after all, it is made in China.

– assuming pangyu the Chinese thunder god did allow it to work, it would have been an exact replica of the American station, after all, china uses ‘hand me down’ tech

-assuming the replica did work and she got inside, the thing would have been filled with A- floes of urine and feces as they bobbed along in weightless bliss B- husks of those seeds that all Chinese hookers and old people eat
C- pictures of green toothed Mao, getting his feel good on with a toddler, all the while calling her a daughter of the revolution D- pics of ugly sarcophagus faced he/she’s like Mr. potato head Xi, E- finger and toenail clippings
F- spittle

Then, assuming that the shit bucket really worked, the rest of the flick was almost perfect. The Chinese controls were all messed up and the ship caught fire during reentry. The only difference would be that if it were real, the last thing we’d have heard was her primordial shrieks and sizzling flesh as she was burnt to a carbon based dust spot on the orbital horizon, after all, Chinese cannot create anything more than havoc.

If i had to grade the film I’d give the acting a hearty two fisted jerk and the ass kissing a kick right in the zipper.

One Response to “‘Gravity’, Ass Kissing Hollywood and China”

  1. quoter said

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