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An American in China

Archive for August 13th, 2014

Epic Post By Mylaowai on Tourist Highlights in China

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 13, 2014



For reference: http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/culture/2014-05/14/content_17505075_5.htm

Of course, it is high time the MyLaowai team turned its unbiased, unprejudiced but somewhat bleary eyes on the centerpiece of Chinese tourism. Unlike the propaganda promulgated by our colleagues at China Daily, that shining example of harmful harmonious reporting and a beacon of light to all lovers of suppressed free speech globally- we here at the MyLaowai newsteam have done a more thorough report on one of the world’s largest tourist traps.

First, let’s look at the claims.

1. The Forbidden City is the largest and most intact ancient building complex in the world.
Err, someone hasn’t been to the Tower of London. Size-wise, as in most important things, laowai much bigger than Chinese… It’s also older… much older… Technically speaking, the chink king brothel is listed by UNESCO as the largest collection of preserved ancient wooden structures in the world. There, if we narrow it down a lot, seeing as most smart little pigs built their houses from stone to stop the big bad wolf from burning them the fuck down… we can finally find a biggest. It’s the biggest surviving fire hazard from ancient times. Not really that ancient either. When I think of Ancient, I think of 1,000+ years, our chinky king brothel is about half that.

2. Biggest collection of old chink things.
Well, that’s a gimme, especially considering they include collections held elsewhere… and nobody, even the Palace Museum, is interested in over half the shit they have anyway…


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China Knocks Off Disney, WTF?

Posted by w_thames_the_d on August 13, 2014

China is great at mimicry. They mimic cell phones, fast food joints and even try to pretend they are human. All such efforts fail of course. After all, it is China.

China knocks off Disney
Here is a made in China blunder if i have ever seen one. China’s version of Disney. Communist officials, long the vanguard of marketing prowess have named the disaster in making the …

ChappyPie China Time.

Let me repeat that

China’s theme park is called ‘ChappyPie China Time’

What in the hell?

Perhaps they misspelled it because ‘CrappyPie China Slime’ sounds much better to me. The park bills itself as both a cultural experience and piece of China away from China.

I for one am looking forward to traipsing along the the path of patriotic phlegm and spend quality time on the ‘move your bowels metro’ ride.

After this I will plop down a roll of quarters and gunning down spare babies in the arcade hit ‘protect the one child policy!’

from there it will be great fun to douse a Buddhist monk and then truncheon him till he spews Mao’ist thought, oh joy!

Then again, it is just another white elephant. A made in China idea which black hole of resources.

What are the odds that the dump never takes off and if it does it will be filled with doddering old cackling, fat belly showing Chinese decrepits with little to offer the world but their expiry.

Here is a report on the disappointment to be.

China knocks off Disneyland but in Australia. #destined to fail
‘WANT an authentic Chinese experience in Australia? Forget the culturally rich immigrant communities of Hurstville in Sydney or Box Hill in Melbourne. The new home of oriental culture in Australia is set to be in an unlikely town on NSW’s Central Coast.

Billed as “Chinese Disneyland”, a company has unveiled plans to build a massive, $500 million Chinese theme park in Warnervale, about one hour’s drive north of Sydney. The best bit? It will be called Chappypie China Time.

The attraction is described as “a park integrating culture and happiness, nature and spirit”. It is staggering in scope and scale, including performance spaces, cultural experiences, eateries, accommodation and shops.



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