Scandal at APEC, Putin Hitting on Xi Jinping’s Wife?

Did Vladmir ‘Pooty Pute’ Putin score at APEC?

Putin
‘This meeting is so fucking boring. I wish there was something fun to do; kill Ukrainians or something’

China’s first lady thinking, ‘I wish i could meet real man. Not only is Xi’s pecker the size of a hangnail, but it quit working decades ago. And what is with all that lipstick he wears? Oh sigh,…I Wish i could get some strange…’

China’s first lady to herself.’To hell with it, looks like Xi would rather be canoodling with Obama than his Major General wife. That wanksock.’ Straightens her hair, hacks up a wad of phlegm and spits.

Then to Putin,’That way, over there.’
Putin, ‘Huh?’

China’s first lady, ‘A hotel. It has big bed.’

Putin, yawns, ‘Interesting.’ Turns away.

40 minutes later
Putin, thinking, ‘I am at the end of my rope. If they don’t bring me somebody to torture I’m going to die. At least let me kick and Afghani in his nuts or something.’

Glances around, mumbles, ‘Shit this is boring. Who but the dumbass Chinese would hold a November summit in a swimming pool?

It’s cold as hell. My hammer and sickle are the size of mice paws. Damn the Chinese!’

Then it hits him. He glances over, sees Xi practically in Obama’s lap and has an idea. His mind races, ‘What the hell am I thinking, I am Vladimir Putin, the sexiest midget on the planet. They don’t call me ‘Vlad the Impaler’ for nothing.’

To himself, ‘Looks like its time for another invasion. Heheh. Turns to Peng Liyuan who just then had groped his summer sausage.

‘Uh, hey. You are in the military, right?’

China’s first lady, face reddening, ‘Why yes, yes I am. In the dance troupe actually. Did you know that after the non-massacre in 1989 I treated the troops to a lulaby.’

Putin, face tightening in remorse. Thinks to himself, ‘The shit a guy’s got to put up with in order to get some tang.’

Then remembers that ‘first hag’ Peng is still talking, glances back at her liver lips blubbering.

China’s first lady, ‘Why yes I did. Anything for the motherland. Why if you would like, I could sing that same song to you right now….’

Without missing a beat, first hag breaks into an ear splitting rendition of ‘its ok, its ok, its ok to kills students for the motherland….!

Right as she reaches the climax of the song and is ready to hail those brave men who fearlessly crouched in their tanks and spewed forth a 50 caliber reminder that Beijing should not be questioned, Putin had enough. He springs to his feet and lifts her up.

Clamping his pepper shaker sized paw over her mustard colored maw, he dry humps her and whispers, ‘You ever eaten Russian?’

After moments of frenzied thrusting followed by a minor tremble, the two decouple. She is ecstatcic, ‘Wow you Russian bear! I think we pulled a Monica and Clinton. Is that your man-mayonnaise on my back or did somebody hit me with sherbert?’

Putin smiles in that cagey, ‘Take your eyes off and me and your dead,’ look. Then chuckles, ‘Don’t worry ‘old yeller’, I got just the thing for that. We can cover up our little escapade with this.’

China’s first lady, ‘Why yes, yes, this will do just fine.
My my my, what a splendid night it has been.’

After a good scrubbing, she hands back the coat.

‘Now it’s your turn,’ she giggles and crouches under the table.

Comprehensive List of All the things You Will Love About China- Tales from the Crypt

Living in China has made me an authority on China. In my quest to share such knowledge, I have started my ‘Tales from the Crypt’ posts which explain in detail the realities of China.

The following is a comprehensive list of all the things you will love about the PRC, should you decide to visit and or live there:

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China’s Hack Addiction- CCTV Hacks a Scene From Top Gun

In an attempt to build her credibility around the world, CCTV has allegedly shanzai’ed some footage from the movie Top Gun and claim it as their own. How sad is it when you have to hack fighter scenes from the 80’s….

Click the link to see the video, how hilarious…

from here

On Jan. 23, China’s state broadcaster, CCTV, ran a story about an air force training exercise that contained some suspicious footage.

Around the segment’s one minute 12 seconds mark (see above), as the China-U.S.-oriented blog Ministry of Tofu pointed out, “the way a target was hit by the air-to-air missile fired by a J-10 fighter aircraft and exploded looks almost identical to a cinema scene from the Hollywood film Top Gun.”

Viewers were led to believe that what they were seeing was a live fire exercise. But according to Ministry of Tofu: “A net user who went by the name “刘毅” (Liu Yi) pointed out that the jet that the J-10 ‘hit’ is an F-5, a US fighter jet. In Top Gun, what the leading actor Tom Cruise pilots an F-14 to bring down is exactly an F-5. Looking at the screenshots juxtaposition, one cannot fail to find that even flame, smoke and the way the splinters fly look the same.”

Not convinced? The Wall Street Journal’s China Real Time Report put the videos side-by-side.
http://s.wsj.net/media/swf/main.swf

The seemingly doctored footage has been removed from CCTV’s website. But Real Time China Report notes that Chinese media has in the past been caught red-handed lifting fictional U.S. material in news reports.

“In 2002, the popular Beijing Evening News tabloid translated and published as genuine a satirical news article by The Onion about U.S. Congress threatening to leave Washington D.C. unless the city built them a new building with a retractable roof,” writes Josh Chin. “Five years later, the state-run Xinhua news agency infamously used an x-ray image of Homer Simpson’s head to illustrate a story about the discovery of a genetic link to multiple sclerosis.”

CCTV has declined to comment in media reports.

America Say Goodbye To Your Pensions-20% of Chinese Companies Listed in USA Stock Market Accused of Fraud

Many Americans are betting their retirement and pensions on the stock market. China now has companies listed in the American Stock Market and being Chinese, they may do things different-they have a different definition of morals, ethics and cheating. More than 20% of all Chinese companies listed in the USA stock exchange have been accused of fraud.
I say kudos to them, we dont really need our hard earned money do we? This is pretty scary and if we allow it, then we are fools and deserve it.
China does not play by the same rules, check your portfolio, talk to your brokers….

excerpt:
“More than 20 of the Chinese companies listed on the United State’s exchanges have been accused of fraud, China Business News reported Monday.

About 80 percent of Chinese companies listed on the US market meet the nation’s standards, but 10-20 percent of the firms provided false information, the report said, citing Stephen Paul Monticelli, president of Mosaic Investments LLC, a San Francisco-based company that has invested in Chinese firms over the past five years.”

Chinese Slang-

[hǎiguī / hai3 gui1] noun. This word can be derogatory, it is a nickname for Chinese people who have studied abroad and have returned to China. 海龟 They typically are seen as the spolied youth who cannot make it overseas and are forced to return.

Chinese Sayings

Chinese Sayings

The crafty rabbit has three different entrances to its lair.

Chinese Sayings

If you have money you can make the ghosts and devils turn your grind stone.

Chinese Sayings

Good luck seldom comes in pairs but bad things never walk alone.

Chinese Sayings

Nature When the tiger comes down from the mountain to the plains, it is bullied by the dogs