Scandal at APEC, Putin Hitting on Xi Jinping’s Wife?

Did Vladmir ‘Pooty Pute’ Putin score at APEC?

Putin
‘This meeting is so fucking boring. I wish there was something fun to do; kill Ukrainians or something’

China’s first lady thinking, ‘I wish i could meet real man. Not only is Xi’s pecker the size of a hangnail, but it quit working decades ago. And what is with all that lipstick he wears? Oh sigh,…I Wish i could get some strange…’

China’s first lady to herself.’To hell with it, looks like Xi would rather be canoodling with Obama than his Major General wife. That wanksock.’ Straightens her hair, hacks up a wad of phlegm and spits.

Then to Putin,’That way, over there.’
Putin, ‘Huh?’

China’s first lady, ‘A hotel. It has big bed.’

Putin, yawns, ‘Interesting.’ Turns away.

40 minutes later
Putin, thinking, ‘I am at the end of my rope. If they don’t bring me somebody to torture I’m going to die. At least let me kick and Afghani in his nuts or something.’

Glances around, mumbles, ‘Shit this is boring. Who but the dumbass Chinese would hold a November summit in a swimming pool?

It’s cold as hell. My hammer and sickle are the size of mice paws. Damn the Chinese!’

Then it hits him. He glances over, sees Xi practically in Obama’s lap and has an idea. His mind races, ‘What the hell am I thinking, I am Vladimir Putin, the sexiest midget on the planet. They don’t call me ‘Vlad the Impaler’ for nothing.’

To himself, ‘Looks like its time for another invasion. Heheh. Turns to Peng Liyuan who just then had groped his summer sausage.

‘Uh, hey. You are in the military, right?’

China’s first lady, face reddening, ‘Why yes, yes I am. In the dance troupe actually. Did you know that after the non-massacre in 1989 I treated the troops to a lulaby.’

Putin, face tightening in remorse. Thinks to himself, ‘The shit a guy’s got to put up with in order to get some tang.’

Then remembers that ‘first hag’ Peng is still talking, glances back at her liver lips blubbering.

China’s first lady, ‘Why yes I did. Anything for the motherland. Why if you would like, I could sing that same song to you right now….’

Without missing a beat, first hag breaks into an ear splitting rendition of ‘its ok, its ok, its ok to kills students for the motherland….!

Right as she reaches the climax of the song and is ready to hail those brave men who fearlessly crouched in their tanks and spewed forth a 50 caliber reminder that Beijing should not be questioned, Putin had enough. He springs to his feet and lifts her up.

Clamping his pepper shaker sized paw over her mustard colored maw, he dry humps her and whispers, ‘You ever eaten Russian?’

After moments of frenzied thrusting followed by a minor tremble, the two decouple. She is ecstatcic, ‘Wow you Russian bear! I think we pulled a Monica and Clinton. Is that your man-mayonnaise on my back or did somebody hit me with sherbert?’

Putin smiles in that cagey, ‘Take your eyes off and me and your dead,’ look. Then chuckles, ‘Don’t worry ‘old yeller’, I got just the thing for that. We can cover up our little escapade with this.’

China’s first lady, ‘Why yes, yes, this will do just fine.
My my my, what a splendid night it has been.’

After a good scrubbing, she hands back the coat.

‘Now it’s your turn,’ she giggles and crouches under the table.

Comprehensive List of All the things You Will Love About China- Tales from the Crypt

Living in China has made me an authority on China. In my quest to share such knowledge, I have started my ‘Tales from the Crypt’ posts which explain in detail the realities of China.

The following is a comprehensive list of all the things you will love about the PRC, should you decide to visit and or live there:

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Deceit, Fraud and Theft- The China Business Guide

Here is a funny quote from the China Daily, aka least reputable ‘news source’ on the planet. ‘”More and more companies are not necessarily worried about moving into China, but how to manage to work with the Chinese,” said Greg Marchi, chief representative of CKGSB-Americas.

“That’s the reason we named our program ‘Doing Business With A Changing China’.”

CKGSB is hosting the program jointly with Columbia Business School next month in New York.’

Ok so let me get this straight. Some US ‘experts’ aka sellouts are setting up a program to help Americans, aka suckers to do business in China, aka hell?

Wtf? Do you really need a training course for that? Save your self the tuition and listen up. In order to do business in China you must
1- leave your wife and morals home
2- have no conscience
3- bring unmarked bills to pay
The local police
Their bosses
The local communists
Their bosses
Crooked ‘inspectors’
Their bosses
And so much more
4- leave your manners and etiquette back home
5- bring lots of bags because your Chinese hosts will want to take you ‘KTV’ing’ aka whoring
6- leave your loyalty to anything of ethical value back home for if you are in China, you will not use them

The simple fact is that businesses got to China because it is so corrupt. Grease the palms of a communist and you can have his kid if you would like. I am not kidding. When I was there I had doctor’s offer me the child of migrant laborers for less than $2000.

In China everything is for sale. All that gray you see encircling China’s big cities is merely proof of how bad corruption is in China. After all, they do have anti-pollution laws, which are obviously as vigorously enforced as their anti-corruption ones are. In China the air is not the only thing that is filthy.

What all this means is that there are a lot of people who make a lot of cash teaching you how to do business in China, but trust me, what you have read here will serve you far better than anything you are paying thousands of dollars for.

Value of a Woman in China, One Iphone 6, Just ask This Guy

Chinese will sell anything. A life, a kidney, their girlfriend. To them the value of anything created is little else than an object for them to destroy and use as they see fit. Here is a prime example.

Excerpt1

With a fan base like this, who need advertisements? The Chinese carve Apple logos onto their kids skulls, families sell vital organs and their first borne for a phone and now they sell their lover.

Yeah, some guy in China is trading his girlfriend, ie pimping her out by the hour, day and month in order to buy an Iphone 6. This speaks to the incredible allure of Iphones in China. They will do anything to get their hands on one. Xiaomi, howver, is not so lucky.

I can see trading a Big Mac for my Xiaomi phone, but my girlfriend?

 

pt

Excerpt 2
This pretty much sums up china. A guy is pimping out/renting his girlfriend in order to pay for an Iphone 6. You can buy her for one hour, one day and or one month.

Her pimp/ lover says you can only talk to her, but no funny business, but then he posts a pics like this, so you decide what his and her intentions are.

Continue link

Chinese Sunshine

China claims that its pollution is not too bad, this despite its pm2.5 readings are usually off the charts. I will attach a couple of pics and let you decide. One of these photos, the one that looks like the air is covered with cotton balls, is what China usually looks like. The other, the one that actually looks human, is called a ‘rarity’ here. I have over 800 pics of the Beijing skyline over the past few years and by my reckoning, 70% of the time the Beijing air is horribly polluted.

Beijing pollution

And here is a shot of a ‘rarity in Beijing

China’s Ministry of Culture Bans Songs From Lady Gaga

Here is the excerpt from Reuters:
“BEIJING (AP) — China’s Ministry of Culture has ordered music download sites to delete songs by Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, the Backstreet Boys and other pop stars within two weeks or face punishment.
The ministry posted a list of 100 songs — including Lady Gaga’s “Judas” and Perry’s “Last Friday Night” — that had to be purged from the Chinese web because they had never been submitted for mandatory government screening.”

What I find ‘blowing coke through your nose funny’
1- china has a ministry of culture? wtf? I suppose this must be the group charged with upholding the cultural integrity of a country filled with people who find shitting in the streets no less uncouth then shaking hands. And this same group of ‘civilized beings’ when not preoccupied liberating tiny nuggets of gold from their noses find it nothing less than acceptable to waltz around in pajamas, or ensconced, ninja style in some body wrap all in order to avoid mr sunshine. Culture indeed!
2-ordering music download sites to ‘only’ remove Gaga et. al.? How about ordering these sites to remove all of the illegally downloadable songs not just those that can pervert the Chinaman’s sense of civility?
3-‘mandatory screening of songs’? I guess this means that the local c-coms forgot that at their last visit to the ‘whack shack’ (thanks mylaowai) that just before praising the glorious little fingers of #@*&^ better known by her English name ‘Amy’, the noise blaring in their poison oil fattened ears was nothing less than the infamous Lady GG. But of course to think that uncle c understood is to presume he had a smattering of English skill which for this place is nothing less than a great leap.

Compilation of Beijing Smog Pics

I have edited the 200 days of smog photos into categories- good, bad, horrible     here

http://topchinablog.com/2011/08/21/beijing-pollut…jing-pollution/

Beijing Smog Pics

These are photos I take at the same time each day to show the ill effects of pollution in Beijing China. I do not retouch these photos and use my Nokia E71 phone cam.

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Beijing Smog Watch

These are photos I take at the same time each day to show the ill effects of pollution in Beijing China. I do not retouch these photos and use my Nokia E71 phone cam.

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feb20 2011